Here's a way kids can be *perfect!*

Really, I should say a way parents can be perfect, for it is mostly the effort and determination of Rick that these kids are dressed and fed and get to school everyday on time. Avalon got the perfect attendance award for the first month! Seriously, I would be a frazzled mess with an early morning deadline at 2 different schools in addition to my work arrival. Rick is cool, calm and collected and can deal with whatever they throw at him! Mix-matched socks, breakfast that doesn't make sense or a dog barking at the garbage man, he's got it under control!

But, she does earn some of the credit, since her willingness to get ready, do things on someone else's timetable and not cling onto Rick's leg at the Kinder gate have VASTLY improved. I no longer hear crying in the background when I call from work in the morning to check on them. She has her homework in her backpack, ready to go.

And let's not forget to praise Loudoun in all of this. For while he gets his own awards aplenty, he is a huge contributor to keeping her mellow and happy with routines that don't evolve around her. He earned that award, too! Those 2 have a bond I am amazed by.

Well done family, you make a mama proud.

just thinking, that's all.

What it takes to come to faith in Jesus: realize your sins and finally getting to the point where you no longer want to sin and you want to be forgiven of sins and start to live a life for Jesus with decreasing sin, trying to be more and more like Him.

What it takes to come to sobriety: realize you are an alcoholic and finally getting to the point where you no longer want to drink and you want to start to live a life without alcohol.

Oh, how I seem to run across so many parallels in sobriety that mirror my walk with Christ, the latest hitting me on my drive home the other day. Obviously (to me anyway), it was because of Christ that I was even able to approach sobriety three years ago (1 year, 2 years), but it struck me the other day how these two went hand in hand. It was at almost at the exact same time that I said,

I don't want to drink anymore, it is not worth it 

and 

I don't want to sin anymore, I want a saviour. 

Neither were of my own strength, both have been the best decisions of my life, both here on this earth and eternally.

I mean, that's powerful. I stand back in awe of what He has done in my life. And I bow down at His feet, thanking Him for changing me and having mercy on all of my shortcomings.

Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, 

which is corrupted by lust and deception. 

Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 

Put on your new nature, created to be like God—

truly righteous and holy. 

~Ephesians 4:22-24 (NLT)

I know the Lord used alcoholism to bring me to the Cross. I look back in my twenties and early thirties and marvel at the thought that I had no idea, many, many years in the future there would be an answer to why it all happened in my life. Why I suffered through the guilt and shame, why I could never stop at just one, why my brain fantasized about the next drink all day long until I got it, why I thought I was a better parent by drinking when in reality I was distancing myself from them, why I don't remember so many of the details because I was in a fog, why partying was such a high priority. There was a purpose. He let me do my thing, and used it for my good. 

So, today I am in prayer. Deep in prayer with gratitude for my sobriety. For the grace bestowed upon me by our merciful Lord. For my changed for the better life. Deep in prayer for those who suffer with alcoholism. I ache for them. Friends. Family. Loved ones. Deep in prayer for those who don't even know they have a chance at something better if they could just stand up in the face of mercy and reach out their hand. Deep in prayer for those around me whose lives are being affected by the horrible truths alcohol brings. 

Deep in prayer, lifting my hands up to the GLORY of our LORD. 

THREE

Life is messy and full. Full of excitement and to-do lists and messy with love and grace.
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Arguing about doing homework.  Driving to soccer. and to gym. and back to soccer. and then through the drive thru. Wishing my husband shared my faith. Looking at the sad face of a C- test score. Walking around vacation towns taking in the salty air. Washing leotards 2 hours past bedtime so they're ready tomorrow. Driving home crying my eyes out to worship songs. Taking videos of first swims and first dives. Getting brave to pray out loud. Cleaning scraped knees. Teaching we and the during bedtime reading. Frozen yogurt rewards. Learning about God's character. Supporting friends in need. Flying across the country to be with your sister in the hospital. Understanding what 91 feels like through the words of your grandmother. Measuring your kids' height on the wall. Wishing it would slow down. Watching God's glory reveal itself in the day to day. Meeting friends for coffee. Wishing for more time for an evening gym class. Buying bubble gum machines for anniversary presents. Saying the wrong thing and humbling yourself with apologies. Breakfasts in bed. Replacing headlights that go out way too often. Buying soccer balls and water bottles the right color. Tricking cauliflower and broccoli into new creations. Lugging a camera to capture the perfect shot of your kids. Having your pride revealed and stripped. Watching funny tv shows night after night with your husband. Sharing Christ with friends and being rejected. Picking up legos. Taking your dog for walks. Joining a bible study and pouring your heart out. Planning more vacations than you have sick days, hoping you don't get sick in December because camping on a beach in July with your family is more important. Arts and crafts. Learning forgiveness through work relationships. Letting people help you in your time of need. Realizing your sassy daughter is smarter than both you and your husband-she shows it daily with school drop off alone. Trying to eat right and less and workout more and harder. Praising clean rooms. Making time for your love and getting out of the house together. Forgetting to shut the hall door before leaving the house and coming home to 6 stuffed animals soggy under the dining room table. Praying over my kids as they sleep, kissing their cheeks as many times as I want because they aren't awake to say, Aww, mom, enough. Designing a couch that had 32 choices. Hanging up patio lights and smelling new roses growing in the front yard. Buying a new truck and selling a jet ski and volunteering at church on Sundays and spending some services out in the lobby. Alien drawings on the fridge. Rupturing ear drums and forcing flu shots on screaming kids. Being afraid to enter new rooms alone; reassuring my son of the same. Supervising science experiments (not for school, mind you) and painting pink toes. Head snuggles on fever days. Letting your kids stay up late on Friday nights. Playdates with neighbor kids. Trips to Ikea with my mom. Texting bible verses to friends to cheer them up.

with all that, I don't have time to drink! 

I kid, of course, because really, I made time before and if I really wanted to drink again I would make the time. But go through all this and not feel it all? Not live it all? Not be there for it all? Not invest in it all? Well that would be a tragedy. It's been three years today that I have filled my life with good stuff. Not the bad stuff I thought would make everything better.

Three years. 

everyday I'm shufflin'

There I was, cruising along all these parenting years, thinking I had it all down - that scheduling and chauffeuring was a breeze and I had it under control. And then WHAMMO! My kids turned 5 and 8 and everything turned upside-down in chaos.

Avalon went from 1 simple hour at a recreational gym class to 5 hours a week on the team. Loudoun went from not sure what he wanted to do for an extra curricular activity, to sure he wanted to do soccer which has 1 practice and 1 game a week. For now. There could be more.

Attempting to make this all work seemed easy until I threw in the fact that I work an hour away from my kids' schools, making it impossible to be in 2-3 places at the same time.

And then all of a sudden, I realized the stress other moms (dads, too) feel. I mean, if you put me in that position of driving them from place A to B to C, back to A again, I thrived! I felt in my element and loved being right in the heart of my kids' joy and excitement. But because I work far away, I was only able to get a taste of that role on random days off or days I could get out of work early, before I quickly realized I just couldn't do it full-time.

It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, but I chose to let go, ask for help, and rely on someone else. Actually, several other someone elses, to drive my kids. It's no fun giving up control...It's no fun asking for help...It's no fun being here when they are there, ya know? But I was called to make some sacrifices, so for now I am rolling with it.

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Just when I thought I had scheduling all figured out, the school Loudoun was on a wait list for called yesterday morning. School already started 3 days ago, but if we wanted to put him in this new school, now was the time. Rick and I stressed all day about how Loudoun would react...scared? Sad to leave his friends? Terrified of going to a new place? We planned a family dinner to soften the blow when we told him. But in typical surprise! parenting fashion, it wasn't necessary. He took it in stride and actually thanked us for putting him on that list in the first place.

I mean, how does an 8 year old grasp that level of maturity? He's more mature than Rick and me, for sure. We panicked, he did not!

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I've just decided parenting is hard. No, really, it is! I've always heard from the beginning that it would get harder as time passed, just in different ways. And I understood. At first, it was changing diapers, lack of sleep and choosing preschools. But then when your kid's heart gets broken, it gets harder. When they get picked on, it picks on your heart as well. When they can't solve a problem, you take on that problem, too.

But scheduling? I had no idea it would be hard other than the mere fact I had to keep a calendar up-to-date. My feelings are involved! I want Avalon to enjoy team, and get every opportunity available to her. I want Loudoun to feel confident trying a new sport. I want to be there to cheer my kids on, every step of the way. I had no idea that would not all be possible, or that there would be so many obstacles of life in the way.

So, what have I learned? Or should I say, what do I continually keep learning over and over?

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; 

do not depend on your own understanding. 

Seek his will in all you do, 

and he will show you which path to take. 

~ Proverbs 3:5-6

bigger picture moment {my favorite place got even better}

My favorite place in the whole world is Catalina Island. We try and make it there as much as possible for our family summer vacation, and so far we've been getting over there about every other year. The last time was July 2010, and we have been looking forward to this year's trip since we booked in January. 

This year was a lot different than all of our other trips for a lot of reasons, mostly the ages of our kids and our ability to relax and do things you can't always do with toddlers or babies, but the difference I want to hit on in this post was my desire to get out, move, and explore this year. 

This year,  without even trying, I woke up early every morning and got moving. Mornings were quiet and peaceful, cool and calm. The town wasn't up yet, so it was if I had the island to myself. I grabbed my iPod, put in earbuds, blasted worship songs, and hit the pavement. I walked inland and saw the hills, I walked around the neighborhood blocks and took in the cuteness of all of the cottages, I walked beachside and reserved our beach spot each morning and admired the beauty of the island coastline, and I walked uphill to the "Point," where I could breathe in all of Catalina. God, I love this island. 

What amazes me is until recently I was L.A.Z.Y and had no desire to explore. No desire to move more than I had to. My family asked me to make that hike to the Point when I was younger and I laughed in their faces. If I wasn't walking down to the beach to lay there and tan, I wasn't walking there. 

But something in me has changed, and the quiet time alone spent with God, admiring his creation has become so precious to me. The gift that my body moves in a healthy and energetic manner is something to cherish. I am so thankful that I don't think about alcohol anymore and wake up without hangovers, ready to start the day! And hiking to capture images such as the ones above gives me pride in accomplishment, to save forever. Blessings all around. 

My favorite island keeps getting better and better. 

This was my bigger picture moment this week. 
Head over to Hyacynth's for more awesome Bigger Pictures.