Religion?

Last week I came home feeling so down on myself. I felt like I wasn't a very good person, I wasn't a very good friend, I was no longer the same girl my husband fell in love with, and that I was an overbearing, rule-enforcing mother. On my 45 minute drive home, I actually convinced myself that I was a worse person than when I left my office. So, by the time I got home, I felt pretty worthless. Who better to go to than my husband.

We had a long heart to heart. One of the best things about our relationship is we can talk about anything (cliche, I know) and seem to be able to get things off our chests without hurting each other's feelings. Anyway, Rick made me feel better about a lot of what I was feeling. One cool point he brought up was that I am still carefree and outgoing and energetic in most aspects of my life, except for when it comes to raising my kids. But carefree has to go out the window when it comes to setting boundaries for toddlers, so it was appropriate. And while I've been feeling stressed out and under a microscope by not drinking and dealing with all of these new, raw emotions, he said he felt like I was making such strides in my life, maturing and growing and what not. Maybe he's right, but I just feel bitchy.

So, this all took place on Tuesday. On Thursday, a friend and mentor came to me and offered Christianity to me. He said he had my family in his heart, he prays for us, could tell I have been searching for quite some time now, and is such a strong believer himself he wanted to share it with me. We talked about Christianity for over an hour. I was intrigued.

Without going into too much detail, since I don't know where I stand on all of this quite yet and quite frankly don't feel comfortable talking about religion publicly just yet, there is one thing that hit me. He came and offered the love of God to me, during a week where I wasn't feeling very much love for myself. When I left that conversation and went and sat down, a wave of peace came over me, and I'm not quite sure why yet.

The truth is I have been searching a lot lately. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with quitting drinking and "feeling" a lot more than I probably have in the past 5 years. But the real kicker is family and kids. I constantly wonder what would happen to my family if I died? What would happen to my kids if they died? What's in store for us later? Not trying to be morbid and depressing, but I can honestly say I never thought about any of that "pre" family. Now it all is so much more imprtant than it ever was as a teenager or young adult.

So, without going into too much religion talk in my post, if you have any Christianity thoughts (or religion in general for that matter), comments or something you absolutely love that you would like to pass along to me, I am all ears. Ready to soak it up like a sponge (since the vodka is no longer doing it).

Thanks,
Robin