I've been wanting to write this post for quite some time now, but with the seriousness and importance of the subject matter, I have been terrified to acutally put my feelings down in print, in fear that I just wouldn't do it justice. But I am about to explode with joy and excitement, so I cannot hold it back any longer.
On December 3rd I invited God into my heart. I have accepted Jesus in my life and I cannot believe the rush I feel. It's like a physical change inside, that I can feel pulsing through my veins. I see life differently. I see my relationships differently. I am growing a relationship with Him everyday and I am overflowing with excitement. That rush I originally felt stuck around, and continues to grow and fill my days with energy. Overflowing is an understatement. I cannot get enough of the bible, of podcast sermons, during my commute to and from work, during my jogging, before bedtime. Absorb, absorb, absorb. It's tricky hearing something on a podcast during jogging because I want to write it down but can't so I need to repeat it 76 times until I get back home to write it in a journal.
I feel a peace I never knew existed. And you know what? Looking back, I haven't wanted a drink for several weeks now. Not once. Not one desire. Not one thought. Not to say that it will stay like that forever. But that is my proof that I have no control over my not drinking, He does. AA says that, and the Bible says that. I've reached a point in my life that I am ready to turn everything over to Him. I was called on to talk at my meeting on Wednesday, and I told everyone exactly what I am saying now. And many people came up to me afterwards and told me they could see the difference. That they could see the joy from inside, on the outside. I can't hide it. I feel joy. Not just happiness, even though I definitely have that in my life, but pure joy. Happiness is external. Joy is internal, and I can feel joy from loving him.
Does everyone get to feel this? People who find faith in God, do they all feel this? To this extent? To this degree? I sure hope so. Now I can understand what all the hype is about. This is real. I am so excited about this journey. This relationship. This love. This eternity.
I do believe you've had a spiritual awakening. I'm so happy for you, honestly. I'm not Christian myself, but I have my own faith and beliefs and strongly support people finding their own path to joy and love (which, I believe, is what Jesus was trying to spread and promote). And with that, you've moved onto step three. :)
ReplyDeleteI am so thankful to read this. I have been praying for you since you last wrote about this, and I pray that you continue on your journey with him.
ReplyDeleteContinue to have faith that He will lead you, and stay close to him through His word and through prayer, and he will sustain you.
Just as you said - you ar riding a high right now, an it's helping you to understand this gift you've been given, and helping to cement your faith. There will be valleys and mountains ahead, and struggles may come back to you, such as wanting to drink, and just know, that while you may still face those things, you are not alone. Lean on Him, look to Him, have FAITH in Him and I believe He will carry you through those valleys and raise you up the mountains.
Also, another thing to know; despite the future struggles, troubles and trials you may encounter, that peace you feel now, that peace down in your heart, it will NEVER leave you. That is where you were baptised by the fire, and your heart has been sealed up in His love. It is forever changed and that will be a blessing you carry with you throughout this life into the next. That peace will be a reminder of His love and a sign of His grace.
Have a Merry Christmas. What a wonderful gift you've been given! Much love, Bonnie
Bonnie, thank you sooo much for your sweet comment. I wanted to send you a thank you email, but there wasn't any contact information when I clicked on your name. I really appreciate everything you had to say, and I will move forward keeping it all in my heart. Thank you, and happy holidays. :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Your words, did it justice. :)
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