I've been wanting to write this post for quite some time now, but with the seriousness and importance of the subject matter, I have been terrified to acutally put my feelings down in print, in fear that I just wouldn't do it justice. But I am about to explode with joy and excitement, so I cannot hold it back any longer.
On December 3rd I invited God into my heart. I have accepted Jesus in my life and I cannot believe the rush I feel. It's like a physical change inside, that I can feel pulsing through my veins. I see life differently. I see my relationships differently. I am growing a relationship with Him everyday and I am overflowing with excitement. That rush I originally felt stuck around, and continues to grow and fill my days with energy. Overflowing is an understatement. I cannot get enough of the bible, of podcast sermons, during my commute to and from work, during my jogging, before bedtime. Absorb, absorb, absorb. It's tricky hearing something on a podcast during jogging because I want to write it down but can't so I need to repeat it 76 times until I get back home to write it in a journal.
I feel a peace I never knew existed. And you know what? Looking back, I haven't wanted a drink for several weeks now. Not once. Not one desire. Not one thought. Not to say that it will stay like that forever. But that is my proof that I have no control over my not drinking, He does. AA says that, and the Bible says that. I've reached a point in my life that I am ready to turn everything over to Him. I was called on to talk at my meeting on Wednesday, and I told everyone exactly what I am saying now. And many people came up to me afterwards and told me they could see the difference. That they could see the joy from inside, on the outside. I can't hide it. I feel joy. Not just happiness, even though I definitely have that in my life, but pure joy. Happiness is external. Joy is internal, and I can feel joy from loving him.
Does everyone get to feel this? People who find faith in God, do they all feel this? To this extent? To this degree? I sure hope so. Now I can understand what all the hype is about. This is real. I am so excited about this journey. This relationship. This love. This eternity.