- 1 day (workout goal)
- 4 days (losing weight goal, actually lost 3 pounds!)
- 9 months (pregnancy)
- very limited drinking (during breastfeeding times - 8 months and 1 year)
- 3 months (last year, one other attempt, just like this one)
Monday, September 28, 2009
at 8:06 PM
Friday, September 25, 2009
Alright, I guess I can let that one slide.
at 9:20 AM
Yesterday's reaction was quite different though, and it has me feeling quite frustrated and a bit irked. The conversation went somewhat like this:
Her: Oh wow, I didn't know you had a real problem...do you really think you need to go to meetings?
Me: Well, I wouldn't say I'm down on my luck or anything, but going to a meeting once a week to reinforce my desire to quit can't hurt, right?
Her: What, are you fiending for it everyday?
Me: Well, no, not fiending.. But I would say I definitely think about it.
Her: Oh, you don't have a problem. That doesn't sound bad if you aren't jonesing for it.
Me: But I was drinking everyday. That's definitely a problem.
Her: Shoot, I have friends who drink everyday. There's nothing wrong with that.
Me: Do they have kids?
Me: See? there's the difference. If something were to happen to my kids, and I was 3 drinks in, I wouldn't be able to take them to the ER. That's a problem.
Her: You can't drive on 3 drinks? Not that you should, but in an emergency you could.
Me: No, by drink #3 I'm pretty buzzed. And I don't want to risk driving my kids on 3 drinks. At night. In an emergency. Besides, what's wrong with wanting to quit just so that I'm a better parent? So that they never look back and say, "Wow, my mom was a drunk."
Her: Your kids would never say that. You are totally overreacting and being too hard on yourself.
Me: Ok, what about the whole new information that excessive drinking could definitely cause breast cancer?
Her: Look, 90% of all people will die from some sort of cancer.
Me: Well, it just doesn't seem very smart to fuel the fire and lock in the fact that you will definitely get breast cancer. Just like smoking. You are asking for it.
Her: I don't know. I just think there's nothing wrong with coming home and drinking. You are definitely overreacting.
Look, Hun. I have told myself for 2 years now that I have been overreacting every time I want to stop. I told myself I didn't have a problem. Now that I have FINALLY come to the realization that I NEED TO QUIT, I don't need someone else telling me I am overreacting. I mean really, who does that? How about, way to go! I'm proud of you! I'm glad you found a meeting you like.
Someone told me my first week, It can't hurt to stop drinking. It can do no harm. The alternative is to continue drinking, possibly with a problem, possibly with something bad happening. The only thing quitting can do is make things better!
So, suck-it co worker/friend. Work on your etiquette skills.
at 8:29 AM
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tonight's meeting was a "fun bunch discussion" meeting, and more up my alley. There were about 60 people there, sarcastic comments and jokes were told throughout, and stories ranged from having great days to not so great. The mix of people went from college kids, to married men and women, people with kids, young and old, and adults who have 30 years sobriety. I instantly felt like I could connect with each person in a different way. This meeting's tradition at the start of teh hour is to go around the room and state your name and date of sobriety. When I told the room I have 2 weeks, they all applauded me and welcomed me. Throughout the night about 10 people came up and introduced themselves, and the girl sitting next to me talked to me during the whole break, and we even swapped numbers at the end of the night.
The very first man who spoke said the only amount of time he could remain sober while he was drinking was 1 day, or one time he even made it to 3 days. 6 speakers later, a woman shared that she understood what he was talking about, because she too couldn't even do the 1 day. She would wake up and tell herself in the morning, "Today I am not going to drink. I can do this." But by 3pm she convinced herself she was overreacting and having a drink would be no big deal.
Talk about someone sharing EXACTLY how I have felt for so long now!
There were girls there my age, there were girls younger than me, and there were women a little bit older than me. It helped to see that we are all in there for the same reason, and it happens to women too! And it doesn't make us bad people. We are there to make ourselves better people...people who don't drink.
So, Wednesdays are my meeting days, I have decided. This one feels right. It's funny because when I pulled up and saw sooo many people, my stomach turned into knots and I was terrified to go in. But it ended up being the meeting I am looking for. Someone even said tonight, "if you're comfortable, you're doing something wrong." So, I learned that stepping out of my comfort zone can lead to great things. Life a life of sobriety.
Although, I still can't get past the thought that I won't ever be able to drink again. One day at a time, one day at a time.
at 10:06 PM
Monday, September 21, 2009
- trip to home depot
- guests stopped by
- installed new screen door
- made lunch
- watched football
- went out to dinner and hockey game
- watched movie
- went jogging with Loudoun
- installed ceiling fan in Loudoun's room
- ordered lunch in
- went out to dinner
at 1:15 PM
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Once at the game, the desire to drink disappeared and a fun time was had by all. Loudoun loves the game, we already know that. He made a sign earlier in the afternoon and held it up often, cheering, "go kings go, go kings go." The last time we took Avalon, she was a year old, and didn't want to sit still. This time, she was so happy to have her own chair, sit in between mom and dad, and clap right along with the rest of us.
Of course, Avalon only lasted about 1 period, but in her defense it was already close to 10pm. We cruised home, put the kids right to bed, and vegged out to watch the 2nd half of our movie we couldn't finish the night before.
I read somewhere on the internet today, that if you are feeling like you want a drink, to think about getting through "today," not about all of the days in the future that you won't be able to drink. It seems to have worked last night. And I had a great time with my family. Whaddaya know, you can have fun without drinking.
at 10:10 AM
Saturday, September 19, 2009
9/9: Caught a sore throat, made not drinking easy. Also, Rick decided to join me not drinking for 30 days. YAY!
9/10: Flu is still around, actually worse than yesterday. Drinking is not even on my mind. Actually, I am really excited about feeling better mentally.
9/11: Day 3 of the flu. Shoot, keep this flu going and quitting drinking will be a breeze!
9/12: Still sick. First day of weekend, which normally would have been the hardest to get through. Sickness made this a non issue. Rick is still going strong too. Got book in the mail from Amazon: Mommy doesn’t drink here anymore: Getting through the first year of sobriety.” Got good reviews, hopefully it will be helpful.
9/13: Turns out I have strep throat. Antibiotics should knock this sickness out quick!
9/15: Went to first AA meeting. Meeting everyone there made me feel really grateful to have everything I have. It also reinforced my desire to fix this issue now early on, instead of letting it get out of hand down the road. I told my story during the candlelight discussion, and of course cried. But I was still able to talk and it felt good to get it out.
9/16: Had a nice lunch with Rick where we discussed my previous night’s meeting and also both agreed that getting through each day is much easier than we both thought it would be. It seemed so much harder to commit to quitting, but actually not drinking hasn’t been too tough. Not taking for granted that it won’t always be like this, but enjoying it nonetheless. Also told Jamie, and of course she was supportive.
9/17: Jogged a full mile without walking, just like I used to do all last year! Haven’t done it since we moved here. Part of that might have been the heat of the summer, but part of that was definitely motivation, or a lack thereof.
9/18: Went to an Anworth lunch and wanted wine. Everyone at the table had some except me. Nobody asked why I wasn’t drinking, which surprised me and made me a little bit anxious on the walk to lunch. I wasn’t tempted enough to take one, but looking at all of the glasses I definitely wanted one. I did come to a realization. I don’t crave 1 glass of wine (or 1 drink). I crave LOTS for a drunk feeling. And obviously that isn’t possible at a company luncheon, so it wasn’t too hard to talk myself out of wanting one.
Also a tad bit anxious about getting through the weekend. Last weekend I was sick the entire time, so it was easy! This weekend I will have to make sure I keep myself busy.
Jogged a mile again tonight, 2 days in a row!
at 3:41 PM