Pre Jesus Christ
I grew up in a loving, nurturing, but non-religious home. I was taught to be a good person, and treat people nicely. And I believed there was a God and a Heaven, but didn't know much beyond that. In fact, religion had always intimidated me, as it seemed overly complicated and I didn't know anything about it to have an informed opinion on it.
I married a man who was raised in a Catholic household, but was so fed up with religion by the time he moved out of his parents' house, he dropped religion and never looked back. He is extremely logical and studied tons of science, geology, engineering, etc. in college. In the past 10 years together, I would say any talk of the earth being billions of years old, carbon dating, fossils, etc, just flowed freely through our household as truth. Never questioned. Like religion, it was all foreign to me, but my husband spoke so knowledgeable on the subjects, with research to back it, I thought it must have been true. Never even thought to challenge it.
I've always liked to party and have a good time in any social setting, but as I grew up, the pressures of adulthood allowed the drinks to flow more freely. Every day. All consuming. There have been many periods in my life where I wanted so badly to not drink everyday, but the craving and need to have another drink was too strong and my own will power could not support me. The guilt from not being able to control my drinking, not stop when I thought I should, the guilt that I wasn't 100% present for my kids, the fear of having said something the night before that might have damaged some one's sensitive personality, it all ate me up inside. And then the drinks would make me feel better. They calmed the inner voice. Until the next day when the guilt was even more. Vicious cycle.
A mentor of mine pulled me aside one day and asked to talk to me about Jesus Christ. I had had several conversations with him about Creation vs Evolution in the previous weeks, but those conversations were extremely ridiculous to me, seeing as I live with a man who is a firm believer in Evolution. But this conversation was different. It wasn't about proving One Creator vs. billions of years, it was about showing me God loves me and if I just believed that Jesus died on the cross for my sins, I could be saved and spend eternity with Jesus Christ. He explained that you cannot work your way into Heaven, it is a gift given to you by God. He explained that Christianity is based entirely on the Bible, that everything you need to know is in the Word of God. It was starting to make sense, but the puzzle wasn't finished just yet. That afternoon as I was driving home from work, it all clicked into place. If God sent this person to talk to me several times, teaching me about Jesus Christ, God must really love me, in spite of everything I was dealing with internally.
Post Jesus Christ, for eternity
Since turning my life over to Jesus Christ last December, I am found. What peace that brings! Jesus died for my sins, because I am fallen and could never be perfect enough for Heaven. But the desire to repent against sin is strong within me, so that I can show Jesus I appreciate everything he did for me. I have been granted eternal life with Jesus, I know what happens when I die. I know my children are protected. I have the Heavenly Father with me every second. Protecting me. Comforting me. Guiding me. He LOVES me. Whenever I question loving myself, all I have to do is remember He loves me infinitely. I welcome the wisdom of the Lord's word and push sin away, all by having the Holy Spirit in me. The Bible instantly made sense. All of it. God gave the me the tools to not drink. It's not in my control. It's in God's control. Everything is in His control. He gives me the Serenity and understanding to parent, be a friend, a wife, a neighbor, a contributor to society. I have the desire to be more Christ-like, and the result is a more peaceful joy that one can't obtain from worldly possessions. Jesus changed my heart.
In my 9 months of sobriety, I have battled with, Why can't I be a normal drinker? Why did I have to get this disease?
You know why? Because this is how I was brought to Jesus. And now I wouldn't have it any other way. If this is what it took to be saved, then I wouldn't change any part of road I traveled to get here.
Romans 3, Righteousness Through Faith
22 This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25 God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26 he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.