I tried to officially quit drinking one time before. I lasted 3 months, and got the urge to have a glass of wine. I thought, "I've been doing great, I've lasted 3 whole months, I can celebrate with a glass of wine." I figured if I could go 3 months and not crave it badly day-to-day, I must be fine again and could resume drinking, like normal people. One glass turned into....more. I was shocked at how quickly the high consumption of alcohol came bouncing back to my day-to-day drinking. I thought for sure it would take weeks or months to get up to 3-4 drinks in a row. I mean, after 3 months, my tolerance had to be pretty low, right?
It happened that first night.
This "so far successful" time around, I chose to address this alcoholism I was finally able to label myself with, head on. I was going to make myself accountable and go to AA meetings. Looking back, I honestly think I was hoping AA would teach me how to drink like a normal adult. Because really? Quitting FOREVER didn't seem do-able. Not possible. How does one go through life and all its situations and parties and people and stresses and not have alcohol somehow involved?
Not more than two meetings in and 5 pages into the Big Book I realized I was in for a rude awakening.
All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.
There is more, and boy is it a good read, but basically this is what I go back to every time I think I have normalized myself as time goes by without a drink. Today I am at 9 months. If I have glimpses of being normal again now, there is no doubt the feeling of normal will overwhelm me at moments in 5 years, 10 years, and 20 years of sobriety. AA has been a lifesaver.