I tried to officially quit drinking one time before. I lasted 3 months, and got the urge to have a glass of wine. I thought, "I've been doing great, I've lasted 3 whole months, I can celebrate with a glass of wine." I figured if I could go 3 months and not crave it badly day-to-day, I must be fine again and could resume drinking, like normal people. One glass turned into....more. I was shocked at how quickly the high consumption of alcohol came bouncing back to my day-to-day drinking. I thought for sure it would take weeks or months to get up to 3-4 drinks in a row. I mean, after 3 months, my tolerance had to be pretty low, right?
It happened that first night.
This "so far successful" time around, I chose to address this alcoholism I was finally able to label myself with, head on. I was going to make myself accountable and go to AA meetings. Looking back, I honestly think I was hoping AA would teach me how to drink like a normal adult. Because really? Quitting FOREVER didn't seem do-able. Not possible. How does one go through life and all its situations and parties and people and stresses and not have alcohol somehow involved?
Not more than two meetings in and 5 pages into the Big Book I realized I was in for a rude awakening.
All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.
There is more, and boy is it a good read, but basically this is what I go back to every time I think I have normalized myself as time goes by without a drink. Today I am at 9 months. If I have glimpses of being normal again now, there is no doubt the feeling of normal will overwhelm me at moments in 5 years, 10 years, and 20 years of sobriety. AA has been a lifesaver.
Congrats on nine months of freedom, one day at a time. I'm so proud of you and honored to be part of your recovery.
ReplyDeleteNINE months! Wow Robin :) You're such an inspiration. I have a friend who claimed to have a drinking problem when I came out.. and then a month later she said "well, I just grew up about my drinking and I'm fine now" and SHE is. But it was like a punch to the gut, that I couldn't do it, that she thought it was all it was for me, but it's not. There's something in us, and that's ok, we just have to recognize it.
ReplyDeleteAwesome job :)
CONGRATULATIONS ON NINE MONTHS! In our group the nine month chip is green and I call it the Snot chip.....wait for it....'Snot so bad! 9 months is supposedly one of the least achieved marks for some reason. I am so proud of you, and those thoughts are just that cunning, baffling and POWERFUL addiction trying to trick you. It helps me to remind myself of all the times I thought I was only going to have a drink or two...and how I ended up puking, punching or walking around with no pants on! Okay, long comment. I should start posting this stuff on my own blog ;) anyway I'm so excited for you, congrats stay strong and keep coming back cause it works if you work it!
ReplyDeleteWhile I know they were the catalyst, you are the person who got to 9 months. You made the decision to go to meetings where you got the support you needed. You chose to not have the glass of wine that I am sure you have been offered. You chose to quit.
ReplyDeleteWe are so proud of you! Congrats on 9 months!!!
Congrats on 9 months!
ReplyDeleteSO SO very proud of you, and "R" is totally right! You have always been able to accomplish anything that you put your mind to. Congratulations, sweetie!!
ReplyDeleteSo proud of the way you look at where you've been, where you are, and where you are going. I'll be here cheering you on the whole way.
ReplyDeleteAnd? My little secret word I had to type in to post the last comment was "trani". Is that like the girly way of writing tranny? Do I dot the "i" with a heart? ;)
ReplyDeleteHey, congratulations. I'm one of those who can only get through this one day at a time... so I read those pages a lot!
ReplyDelete