Dreaming of beer

Last night I had a dream that I drank a beer. I was sitting in my garage next to an ice chest (it felt very American Beauty-ish), filled to the brim with ice and one Corona right in the middle. My family had just left for errands, and I lifted the ice chest lid, saw the beer, and instantly popped it open to take swig after swig after swig, until it was all gone. The beer took 30 seconds to drink, but the guilt lasted hours after it set in immediately.

I wondered if this counted as giving up my sobriety...of course it did! I wondered if I needed to start my sobriety date all over again at day 1. Of course I did. But if I was the only one who knew I drank it, did I really have to? Maybe I could just not tell anyone. No wait, of course I did. It wasn't like me to keep a secret like that. OK, did I have to walk into my AA meeting and confess to everyone? Wow, all of a sudden that beer didn't seem worth it.

When I woke up, I told my husband about the dream. He didn't seem phased by it, I mean, it was only one beer. And when I looked at the big picture, I could see why. One Corona, to most people, is nothing. But one beer is not typical for alcoholics, and it isn't typical for me either. My guess is if I had stayed asleep, engaged in that dream, I would have obsessed about beer number 2, 3 and 4. Those extra beers obviously weren't in the magically placed ice chest, so if they also weren't in the fridge or pantry, then a trip to the market probably would've been in order.

In my real world, it isn't about the 1 beer I did or didn't have.

• It's about 9/8/09 and never losing that sobriety date. I learned that in my meetings. Cherish and guard that date as the basis for your sobriety. I know I can never drink again, and one drink would ruin that.
• It's about where my new life has led me.
• It's about not hiding behind alcohol.
• It's about facing all of my feelings and thoughts and being ok with the good, bad and ugly ones.
• It's about remembering that everything in my life is in the hands of my higher power.

I've heard many recovering alcoholics talk about having dreams where they drank and woke up terrified. Maybe this is to remind us that no matter how normal we think we have become, we still cannot go back to drinking.