SUMMER

Reading Corinne's post over at Crying Out Now last night really brought up all of the sobriety anxieties I have had during this journey. All ONE of them, wherein I never get to drink again.

I agreed with her and explained in her comments section that summer will be the hardest part for me, because summer has always equaled partying and drinking for me. And from the looks of her entire comment sections, most alcoholics make this FUN SUMMER = BOOZE connection. I mean, who doesn't like a margarita while dipping chips in salsa out at the patio? Or walking around in shorts and a bikini top holding a corona?  Or filling a cranberry juice bottle with special cranberry juice at the beach so the cops don't have a clue? I mean, what would summer be with all of that???

What? Did you think I forgot about the sunshine? Or the friends? Or the kids having a blast running around, playing? Or the swimming? Or the beach? Or the BBQs? Of course I didn't forget about those. But all this time those were like the hotdog and the bun, and the ketchup and mustard were the FUN, ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES. Without them this summer, I get a big ol' fat, plain hot dog. YAY.

As I'm learning day to day, what I thought was a plain ol' hot dog, is really a gourmet, new york steak. If prepared correctly, it doesn't need anything on it at all. It's delicious all on its own.

My 1 year sobriety date is in September. Seems close enough, right? I mean, I'm just about at 7 months, and what's a few more, right? WRONG.

SUMMER is between now and then.

But one day at a time, and I can make it. I made yesterday, right? I made the day before that, right? Well, then I can make June, July and August.

you capture: a moment

A MOMENT

I was mid-sentence, telling my son how proud I was of him for being a super angel for the babysitter the night before, and right as he was smiling back at me, the moment hit me...my boy has hit another milestone.

grown-up TEETH!

He can't stop wiggling his baby teeth.

Yesterday he didn't even know he could wiggle them.

How did this day get here already?

Where is the toothfairy pillow he received as a gift when he was a newborn?

KID, stop growing. You're freaking me out.

Kid, tell me your secret.

Avalon's lab results came back, and every test was NEGATIVE. PHEW! The only prescription the doc gave A is lots of carbs, lots of calories and extra snacks wherever I can fit them in.

Um, where can I get that prescription? Because that is my DREAM.

you capture: reaching

REACHING

I have to admit up front, that this picture took no skill or creativity, and I simply used my iPhone quickly to grab the shot. I don't have my favorite camera with me, so this week's entry to "you capture" will be more story based.

(yes, that is sticky apple juice on the dresser)

My family is currently in Las Vegas. I was there with them, until last night. My husband has extra vacation time a-go-go, I do not. He had 5 days to spare this week, I did not. So, we all drove to Vegas together on Sunday, spent 3 wonderful days relaxing, sitting by the pool, enjoying shows, sightseeing, etc. And then I flew back alone on Tuesday night.

After getting settled in back home, I crawled into bed, got quite a lot of reading in, snuggled into the pillows, and had a DREAMY nights' sleep, since kids didn't poke and kick at me all night. I woke up early and got ready with ease, since I could leave lights on, doors open and not have to tiptoe around. I got in the car early, and headed off to work. I was proud of myself for not being rushed.

As I looked around as I drove down the street towards the freeway, traffic seemed especially heavy for 6:30am. Normally I don't share the road with anyone. And, I wasn't making any of the traffic lights like I normally do.

Wait a minute....

It's not, 6:30, it's 7:30!!!!

I had acclimated to daylight savings time 4 days ago in Vegas, but I never changed my alarm clock at home! Talk about panic...I start work at 7!

Turns out it was no big deal, my boss was cool and everyone got a good chuckle. But seriously, I'm 34 and I still mess up DST.

I'm S.M.R.T.

Chocolate, Vanilla or Strawberry?

Around our household, a McDonald's milkshake makes things better after a doctor visit. Avalon's flavor choice is always chocolate.

Back in July 2008, her doctor appointment consisted of a LOT of shots, so we stopped off on the way home.

Then, in November of that same year, Avalon thought a faceplant on the daycare concrete step would be fun. Glue stitches at the ER were not so fun. But another trip through the drive-thru made it a little bit better.

And yesterday after getting blood drawn at the lab (7 viles!), a stop in the playland for an hour while sucking down a chocolate shake and a hot fudge sundae (that was my pick) made us both feel better.

The doctor feels she is a bit underweight for her age (always has been), so we are just making sure nothing is wrong. The pediatrician didn't seem concerned, just wanted to rule out a few things. Please keep her in your thoughts. Both that the tests come back negative and she starts eating more than tiny morsels! :)

Show us your life: favorite charities

This week: Favorite Charities

Charity: water holds a special place in my family's heart. We joined together with friends and family over the holiday season in the hopes of raising enough money to build a well. We came pretty close, and paired with another fundraising group's efforts, a new well will be built in 12-18 months. And they show it to you on google maps! Talk about feeling like you are part of something big.

After reading Angie's site about her trip to India with Compassion, our family was determined to sponsor a child. Viakeshwar is our beautiful, sweet, 6 year old child in India and we all love writing to him, sending stickers and coloring pages and praying for him. It's amazing to me how much difference just a little donation each month makes.

I absolutely dropped to the floor when I read about Heather and Mike losing their precious Maddie. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to lose your baby, and I am so amazed with their strength and efforts to help other families who must stay in the NICU for extended periods of time feel more comfortable and less afraid and alone. They started this brilliant charity in Maddie's name and honor.

Just as horrifying as losing your child is losing the love of your life. Matt Logelin lost his wife Liz just 1 day after their daughter was born, and has been raising Maddy by himself and sharing their stories with the world on his blog. He started the Liz Logelin Foundation to help widows get back on their feet right after losing their loved one. Brilliant. I just love that he gave back like that.

you capture: quiet

QUIET

All week I thought about all of the quiet things I could capture throughout my house. Kids sleeping after they ran their mouth all day long, non-stop, never stopping to breathe until their head hit the pillow. Do you have a kid like that? I do. I also thought about capturing the slightly breezy trees outside in the evening the other night, because they were whistling oh so quietly. As I walked around, I looked at things here and there, and thought, "yeah, that's pretty quiet."

But then it was time to leave for my Wednesday meeting, and it hit me. This is my new quiet.

My head is quiet. My head no longer has the voice inside that repeatedly says over and over that I am not doing it right. Or I am not good enough. Or I should've done it better or paid more attention or been a better example. That voice has been silenced, and it's all because I stopped drinking. Alcohol created that voice. A long time ago, now that I think about it, because I didn't always have this voice. I used to be a carefree kid and a lighthearted teenager, who was ok with both my faults and highest selling points.

Somewhere along the line, the drinks poured in and the voices crept in. And it all made me insecure and anxious inside. Except I didn't know it, until I figured out and removed the culprit.

And now it's all clear to me. And it's quiet.

Except for that 6 year old who doesn't stop talking. :) But I'll take his chatter anyday.

The Peanut and the Weed

Moving last July caused two things to happen. One, I packed my 2 baby books away, haven't unpacked them yet and therefore haven't recorded anything in them in 8 months. Luckily, I have kept good notes and saved important papers, so not all is lost. CPS can stay at bay for now.

Two, I had to switch pediatricians, and in doing so, ask my old pediatrician to forward my kids' charts to the new pediatrician. One step better, my old pediatrician likes to forward the charts/files to the patient, and then the patient can hand deliver them to the new doctor on the next visit.

I feel like I have been handed a cheat sheet during the middle of a test, with all of my kids' stats to enter in the baby books. Now if only I could find that box....

Working my way back to parent of the year award.

So, in reviewing my kids' files, I was interested in comparing their weight/height over the years, in relation to the previous year and also in relation to each other. Avalon is nothing shocking, other than she is tiny. I mean, she was 20 months before we could even flip her carseat. She currently weighs 23.8 pounds and is 35" tall.

BUT, in the last year, Loudoun grew over 4 inches and gained over 6 pounds!? WHA? Didn't anyone tell that kid he isn't allowed to grow up so fast? He's 50 pounds and 50 inches! I can no longer carry him on my hip, and that makes me sad.

As long as he still lets me tuck him into bed, I'm happy. Tell me that won't go away for a long time.

On my knees

I went jogging last night, and typically I listen to podcast sermons by John MacArthur. I just love listening to his speeches; they are so thought provoking and I feel like I learn so much about God. It's also a great time to devote to really listening, since I am running by myself and have no distractions.

You know what I find simply amazing? All it takes, is hearing one bible verse, in the middle of jogging, and I literally feel like I could crumble to my knees in amazement. Like I can feel my soul on fire within, burning from the excitement of learning this wonderful knowledge, so much that I could explode with joy. How is that possible?!?!?! How can hearing that He loves me, make me melt inside? I barely know Him. It's only been a few months.

This is what triggered wanting to write about it:

Psalm 139

13 For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

When I first heard this, my first thoughts went towards how He loves my children, because I just recently had them growing inside of me, and it brought back great memories of being pregnant, creating life, and wow just thinking about how God created and loves my kids is so reassuring. They are such special little creatures, and of course if I feel that way, it is so amazing to know God feels that way as well.

But then, BUT THEN!

It hit me...this all applies to me, too! HE created me! HE loves me! When I was in my mom's womb, He was thinking about me and loved me and I was already precious to Him. It seems so impossible that a spiritual being, who I cannot see, that I just jumped in a relationship with, can fill me with this much love and this much comfort and this much joy. 5 months ago I would've said "No way. That's not possible. People are just making it up." But I can literally FEEL the faith He has given me, and I cannot believe how incredibly blessed I am to have received it.

I get it now. Wow, this is powerful. I hope to never take it for granted.

6

Nothin' like a lil' shopping to bring girls closer together

4:00pm, and Avalon was about done.
Irritable, cranky, feisty.
She doesn't nap on the weekends,
but she will sleep if you take her in the car at the right time.
So, I chose to take her shopping at IKEA 45 minutes from our house.
She fell asleep 3 minutes after we left the driveway.
When we got to IKEA, sleepy girl only wanted to be held.
She whispered in my ear. I played with her hair.
I manuevered through the entire marketplace level with her on my hip,
dropping things into the IKEA shopping bag on the other shoulder.
Until we got to the curtain rod section.
That doesn't fit in the bag.
Luckily, there was an empty shopping cart right there. ;)
She helped me push it through the aisles.
Next we went through the self help furniture level.
By this point Avalon was having the best time riding the flat cart.

*don't let her expression fool you...she was having fun!
Looked for the first piece of furniture we wanted for the kids' room.
On sale. Out of stock.
Cruised one aisle over to find the second piece. Also on sale.
Grabbed it.
Got in line. Waited. Got to the front.
Scanned the furniture item. $299?
That wasn't the sale price. I must have grabbed the wrong one.
Went all the way back, and realized it was also out of stock.
Got back in line to buy my other stuff. Twice as many people.
Chatted. Played. Laughed.
Paid.
Bought cinnamon rolls for dinner.
Shared them over laughs.
Held Avalon's hand, grabbed my IKEA bag, my curtain rod, and a nightstand table
and walked across the parking lot in the POURING rain.
And laughed hysterically.
Climbed in the car soaking wet, drove home, laughing all the way.
We had the best time.

show us your life: a typical day

This week: A Typical Day

This typical day representation is going to miss a huge chunk of the day (work and school), since today is a weekday and the end of said weekday. I just figured out there is a schedule on Kelly's site to look ahead for future weeks' topics, but tonight I snapped all of my pics for March 5th's challenge. I'm sure it won't make a difference.

I get ready and leave first. EARLY. Everyone else is cuddled in flannel sheets and fluffy comforters, sawing logs. When I get dressed and put on my jewelry, I always spend a moment remembering how tiny they were. It wasn't that long ago, but the memory of the tinyness goes away so quickly.

Next Rick and the kids get up and get ready. He definitely has the harder morning job.

Fast forward to after work and afterschool. The minute we get home the kids jump on their bikes. And ride until it is dark. This bike riding time is so treasured since we just moved from an apartment that was on a busy street. Now we can ride safely and peacefully!

Once I beg the kids to come inside, it's homework time,

relaxing time,

and dinner time (I can't keep the kids out of the pantry....ever).

After the typical bath, teeth brushing, potty breaks, etc., it's off to bedtime for the kids. Our new typical night (1st week of typical) is prayer time with the kids by their bedside. For most religious people, this is something that has probably been done from the very beginning. For us, we're new to this, and enjoying making it part of our daily routine.

Once the kids are put to bed, I go jogging and Rick gets to play Call of Duty.

After hanging out with my husband, watching tv, eating dinner, talking, laughing, playing on the computer and reading, it's off to bed to get jazzed up to do it all over again.

I just wish I got to sleep in with my kids and husband in the flannel sheets and fluffy comforter.

You capture: hopeful

HOPEFUL

We used to live by the beach in Southern California. We were used to 65 degree winters and 80 degree summers. That was the extent of our seasons.

We moved into our first house (no longer by the beach) last July. Back then, everything was green, blooming, and well-manicured from the previous owner's gardener. We spent the summer enjoying all of the flowers and bright green grass.

In Autumn, we saw glorious shades of red, orange, yellow and brown that were simply amazing. Everyday when we drove down our street and rounded the corner to our house, we all looked in awe at the beautiful foliage and decorated yard we had because of these colors.

And then winter came. A real winter. Where rain falls, wind blows, temperatures go down to almost freezing levels and windows get frosty. And our yard followed suit. Trees lost all of their leaves, rosebushes lost all flower buds, shrubs turned brown, and bushes looked like big, blobs of brown twigs. Since we had never gone through a winter in this town, let alone this very house, we weren't quite expecting it. It's a little shocking to see your grass get big patches of brown spots. And your bouganvilla change from green with beautiful violet flowers to completely brown twigs (and thorns, don't forget the thorns).

A few days ago, I drove down the street and rounded the corner to our house and saw these for the first time since last September. I couldn't believe the shades of purple and the volumes of flowers that erupted in what seems overnight!

Such a simple flower but so decorative and hopeful to see!

On a completely different note, this is bringing a lot of hope into my world these days:

Rick and I are at a stage in our relationship where we are agreeing to disagree.

Religion.

Totally different views. I pray that this is only for the time being, but ultimately, it's out of my control and in the hands of God. But in the meantime, I feel very strongly that our kids get introduced to Him while they are young. This is the best time in their lives to minister to them. Rick has been EXTREMELY open to this and willing to compromise, even though he doesn't have the same views as I do.

Loudoun has even jumped right in and is so excited to read, pray and learn. See? He even helped create his own Bible bookmark.

Spring this year has brought hopeful new flowers and hopeful hearts. Hopeful blooming.