Paying it forward

As part of Meg's suggestion today, I have followed her advice and tried to be especially nice to a neighbor (friend) today. I invited Loudoun's friend over for a sleepover tonight. His dad (my friend) and dad's fiance (engaged and expecting) could probably use some quiet time, as they have been shuffling back and forth to summer camp with us for 2 weeks now...the first week they completely chauffeured Loudoun every afternoon. And we're not talking down the street, we're talking several towns over. And they offered! So generous.

We are looking forward to happy meals for dinner, playland adventures, swimming, movie night, video games, and a sleepover in the game room on large futons pushed together. I can't wait!

"I am here to serve with joy." Thanks, Meg, your posts are good reminders to go the extra mile and be kind.

How have you been nice to your neighbors or kind to others lately?

Sweet Pea, you are 3!

Three years ago today, I strolled into the hospital around 10am and very easily had you by 4:24pm. Your father hoped for 4:20, but I guess that one extra push robbed him of the perfect birth time. Nevertheless, there you were. Our perfect little girl. The nurse put you on my chest immediately and I held you close to my face for over an hour before they took you back to weigh you and do those tests they like to do to newborns. The entire time you were on my chest you locked eyes with me, and we were both silent. You and I have had a special bond ever since.

 

You are so independent and proud to do what I do. You love to help and be a part of the family, no matter how tiny you still are! 

You have such a tomboy style (just like mom), but can be convinced to put on a dress and a ponytail for special occasions, such as your 3rd birthday party.  

It takes so little to make you giggle and laugh. Even a funny face from mom or dad can snap you out of a funk and make you flirtatiously giggle.  

And don't get me started on how much you and Daddy adore each other. You might sass Daddy when you want your own way, but the minute you are scared or hurt, you want Daddy holding you close.  

You are very good at sharing with everyone, especially your big brother.

 

  

You have so many adorable expressions that melt my heart every.single.day.

 

And you are growing up so fast, I cannot believe what a stunning, beautiful, smart young lady you have become.

 

 

You are typically agreeable and easy to please. Sometimes your sassy attitude keeps me on my toes, but it assures me you will be a strong, confident and outgoing adult.

 

 

We are lucky to have you, but I want you to know how lucky you are to have Loudoun as your older brother. He adores you, would do anything for you, and I can see a lifetime ahead of the most beautiful friendship between the 2 of you.

 

Happy Birthday, Sweet Pea.

You brighten every single day of my life and fill my heart with such joy and love.

How Jesus Christ Changed My Life

Pre Jesus Christ
I grew up in a loving, nurturing, but non-religious home. I was taught to be a good person, and treat people nicely. And I believed there was a God and a Heaven, but didn't know much beyond that. In fact, religion had always intimidated me, as it seemed overly complicated and I didn't know anything about it to have an informed opinion on it.

I married a man who was raised in a Catholic household, but was so fed up with religion by the time he moved out of his parents' house, he dropped religion and never looked back. He is extremely logical and studied tons of science, geology, engineering, etc. in college. In the past 10 years together, I would say any talk of the earth being billions of years old, carbon dating, fossils, etc, just flowed freely through our household as truth. Never questioned. Like religion, it was all foreign to me, but my husband spoke so knowledgeable on the subjects, with research to back it, I thought it must have been true. Never even thought to challenge it.

I've always liked to party and have a good time in any social setting, but as I grew up, the pressures of adulthood allowed the drinks to flow more freely. Every day. All consuming. There have been many periods in my life where I wanted so badly to not drink everyday, but the craving and need to have another drink was too strong and my own will power could not support me. The guilt from not being able to control my drinking, not stop when I thought I should, the guilt that I wasn't 100% present for my kids, the fear of having said something the night before that might have damaged some one's sensitive personality, it all ate me up inside. And then the drinks would make me feel better. They calmed the inner voice. Until the next day when the guilt was even more. Vicious cycle.

A mentor of mine pulled me aside one day and asked to talk to me about Jesus Christ. I had had several conversations with him about Creation vs Evolution in the previous weeks, but those conversations were extremely ridiculous to me, seeing as I live with a man who is a firm believer in Evolution. But this conversation was different. It wasn't about proving One Creator vs. billions of years, it was about showing me God loves me and if I just believed that Jesus died on the cross for my sins, I could be saved and spend eternity with Jesus Christ. He explained that you cannot work your way into Heaven, it is a gift given to you by God. He explained that Christianity is based entirely on the Bible, that everything you need to know is in the Word of God. It was starting to make sense, but the puzzle wasn't finished just yet. That afternoon as I was driving home from work, it all clicked into place. If God sent this person to talk to me several times, teaching me about Jesus Christ, God must really love me, in spite of everything I was dealing with internally.

Post Jesus Christ, for eternity
Since turning my life over to Jesus Christ last December, I am found. What peace that brings! Jesus died for my sins, because I am fallen and could never be perfect enough for Heaven. But the desire to repent against sin is strong within me, so that I can show Jesus I appreciate everything he did for me. I have been granted eternal life with Jesus, I know what happens when I die. I know my children are protected. I have the Heavenly Father with me every second. Protecting me. Comforting me. Guiding me. He LOVES me. Whenever I question loving myself, all I have to do is remember He loves me infinitely. I welcome the wisdom of the Lord's word and push sin away, all by having the Holy Spirit in me. The Bible instantly made sense. All of it. God gave the me the tools to not drink. It's not in my control. It's in God's control. Everything is in His control. He gives me the Serenity and understanding to parent, be a friend, a wife, a neighbor, a contributor to society. I have the desire to be more Christ-like, and the result is a more peaceful joy that one can't obtain from worldly possessions. Jesus changed my heart.

In my 9 months of sobriety, I have battled with, Why can't I be a normal drinker? Why did I have to get this disease?

You know why? Because this is how I was brought to Jesus. And now I wouldn't have it any other way. If this is what it took to be saved, then I wouldn't change any part of road I traveled to get here.

Romans 3, Righteousness Through Faith
22 This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25 God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26 he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.

Wednesday: Pool and a Stroll

I approached preschool this afernoon to an upside-down Avalon, as she is always hanging from the jungle gym when I arrive, and said, "wanna go swimming?" I find the pool works wonders for bribing my child to do what I want. I mean, it's good exercise, so it can't be all bad, right?

We swam for over an hour and practiced with a new set of floaties. When arms were tired and bellies were grumbling for food, we put on sundresses and took a stroll through the neighborhood to a local restaurant for dinner together. The sun felt warm on our shoulders, the breeze felt refreshing on our faces and wet hair. The waitresses were sweet and flirted with Avalon. We took our time savoring our meals and sipping on our drinks, sharing giggles and jokes.

After a return stroll home, walking along bricks and jumping off curbs, we are relaxing inside waiting for the boys to join us. I have my meeting tonight, and look forward to giggling in the corner with the other trouble makers of the meeting and hearing wonderful AA shares and stories.

Tuesday: Park and Pool

I had big plans to take Avalon to a singing/dancing festival tonight close to our house, followed by a fun dinner at an outdoor shopping center and possibly ice cream to round out the evening.

Nope.

She wanted the same park as yesterday. She repeated "swings" about 67 times before I gave up trying to hype up the other option. So to the park we went. Again. Same swing, same pretend fast food counter, same slides. Although we did try the fireman pole for the first time today. So, there's something new!

 

We had such a great time it was hard to get her to leave, but simply mentioning "swimming" did the trick in 1.2 seconds. So we headed home and she jumped right in. She swam around and around, pretending to be a shark....dun dun....dun dun....

 

*She promised to stick her tongue out in this pic, but I think she needs to work on her follow through.

We ate leftover pizza for dinner together (not as good as filet mignon, but a step up from chicken nuggets) and rounded out the night with fingernail painting. She chose a lovely combination of orange, pink and purple polish, but refused to let me take a picture.

Girl night #2 was just as fun, just as entertaining, and just as special as day #1. Just started out very similar. But that's ok when it comes to an almost 3 year old (just 1 week away!).

Monday: Park and McDonalds

This week Loudoun is going to science camp, so I only have 1 kid to pick-up after work. All week, it's just gonna be Avalon and me, from 5pm until her bedtime. We have such a good time together just the 2 of us, and with a house usually full of 2 rowdy boyz, I have really been looking forward to this girl time.

We started the week off tonight with a park date and a dinner date. Avalon received all of my attention on the slides, swings and rings. She didn't have to share her "look at me!'s" with her brother. She even took my fast food order on the jungle gym counter and pretend cash register.

Then we headed off to McDonalds. Not my first choice for a date night dinner, but we passed it on the way to the park, and it was much easier to say yes than try to convince her she wanted a filet mignon somewhere. Chicken nuggets would have to do.

 

She has perfect BBQ sauce dipping technique.

Right away she saw an opportunity to join a family during their photo session.

 

One photo together, and she had made friends with everyone.

 

This is where she goes when I tell her we need to leave in 5 minutes. Smart girl.

I can't wait to see how our adventure unfolds the rest of the week.

My mission: exercise, sunshine, better food and lots of kisses.

What "DAD" means to this family

He's patient. And kind. He listens. He's a friend. He's comforting and sensitive to our kids' needs. He makes sure Loudoun is confident and Avalon is free to express her personality. And vice versa. He's a supportive dad, and a loving dad. And we are so lucky to have him.

And most of all, he has the best sense of humor. Which is great for our kids, but it's even better for me.

*Photoshop work courtesy of goofball Rick himself

He just walked into the house from the backyard and said, "You know what's awesome? Our life." And I would have to agree.

Parenting advice...got any?

When Avalon is freaking out in her terribly 2 almost 3 kind of way (not too often, but still worth mentioning), we find that leaving her alone is the best way to get her to calm down. Rick and I have tried talking to her, hugging her, getting down to her level and trying to communicate, but it only seems to make her scream and kick more. So, we say, Alright, I'll give you a few minutes to think about this and we walk away. Her "return to calm" response time is usually 3-5 minutes, instead of the dreaded 20 minute tantrum.

Like for example, on Tuesday (Rick's birthday) when we got home and pulled into the driveway, she wanted the cupcakes we bought for him right then...and right there...in my car. Bright blue, obnoxious cupcakes. Um, I don't think so kid. So, when I told her no, the screaming, crying and kicking of the driver seat in front of her began. I tried to reason with her. She screamed more. I tried to undo her seatbelt. It was a struggle, but I finally managed. So, I told her to think about what just happened, and I would be inside the house when she was ready to discuss it.

She came in 4 minutes later.

Another example. Last night at 10:30, more than 2 hours past her bedtime, she was still awake, and came and asked if she could put on her bathing suit. When I told her the obvious answer, that it was way past her bedtime, she jumped up, stood at the end of her bed, and began to scream and cry. There was no reasoning with her, so I told her she needed to lay down, I would be in the other room if she needed me, and it was her bedtime.

She was asleep within 5 minutes.

So, we found what works with her. BUT, here's where it is driving me crazy. Is it wrong that we are leaving her alone in her time of despair??? When she is feeling the most frustrated and angry, we are leaving her to her own thoughts. She can't stand it when we stay! Do we force her to deal with our presence? Are we invading her space too much if we stay, or are we abandoning her if we leave?

Which, I think I just asked the lifelong question we will be faced with as she grows up...how much do we do it for her, and how much do we let her do herself? She is so independent already, I'm going to have to figure out these boundaries soon. And probably more so for ME than HER.

Got any thoughts?

Nine

I tried to officially quit drinking one time before. I lasted 3 months, and got the urge to have a glass of wine. I thought, "I've been doing great, I've lasted 3 whole months, I can celebrate with a glass of wine." I figured if I could go 3 months and not crave it badly day-to-day, I must be fine again and could resume drinking, like normal people. One glass turned into....more. I was shocked at how quickly the high consumption of alcohol came bouncing back to my day-to-day drinking. I thought for sure it would take weeks or months to get up to 3-4 drinks in a row. I mean, after 3 months, my tolerance had to be pretty low, right?

It happened that first night.

This "so far successful" time around, I chose to address this alcoholism I was finally able to label myself with, head on. I was going to make myself accountable and go to AA meetings. Looking back, I honestly think I was hoping AA would teach me how to drink like a normal adult. Because really? Quitting FOREVER didn't seem do-able. Not possible. How does one go through life and all its situations and parties and people and stresses and not have alcohol somehow involved?

Not more than two meetings in and 5 pages into the Big Book I realized I was in for a rude awakening.

All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.

There is more, and boy is it a good read, but basically this is what I go back to every time I think I have normalized myself as time goes by without a drink. Today I am at 9 months. If I have glimpses of being normal again now, there is no doubt the feeling of normal will overwhelm me at moments in 5 years, 10 years, and 20 years of sobriety. AA has been a lifesaver.

QUIET!!!!!!!!

Rick and I have needed date night weekend for quite some time now. Grandma offered a month ago to watch the kids this weekend, as an early birthday present to Rick. Preschool called on Friday morning reporting that Avalon was feverish, and Rick went home and stayed with her. Rick was sad and depressed that we wouldn't end up getting our date weekend. But Avalon swore she was fine, "I'm all better Mommy, I want to go to Grandma's house." See? She was begging to go. So I dropped Loudoun and Avalon off at Grandma's on Saturday morning and our weekend began.

We grabbed sushi for lunch. We had to remind ourselves to relax and enjoy the meal. We are so used to rush-eating while the kids are both still sitting at the table, because at any moment it can change.

Quiet time for good conversation and hanging out with my H.

We layed out at our pool. We each got a raft without the kids fighting over wanting the ones we were on. We left the gate open and came and went as we pleased.

Quiet time for good conversation and hanging out with my H.

I NAPPED. <---- worth the weekend right there

We went out for surf and turf dinner, on a gift certificate we received a long time ago and forgot about. And got a free warm cookie and ice cream dessert for Rick's birthday. Score.

Again, Quiet time for good conversation and hanging out with my H.

And bright and early Sunday morning, we headed out for the lake. Just the two of us. Sure, there will be sooo many family trips in our future, and we can't wait for those! But it was so nice to get out there just the two of us. We were able to ride our jet ski fast, go wherever we wanted on the lake, come and go at different beach spots, and take turns riding whenever we felt like it. And just hang out together out in the sunshine.

QUIET TIME.

Life at our house is NOT quiet.

Can you tell we needed it?

We were actually able to hear each other talk!

We had good company, good food, good times, and now we are ready to get our good kids back.

 Let the noise resume.

Catching Up...what better way than with a fast Seadoo?

I mentioned in my last post that we were going to possibly buy a Seadoo last weekend. Well, after much time spent at the dealer, we bought one. It wasn't "shopping around" that was time consuming. Nope, we found 1 online ahead of time (2008 but still brand new), went and saw that one, and put in an offer on that one.

But going through the finance department at the dealer, on a Saturday, on a holiday weekend, took some time for the dealer to communicate with the bank. Luckily, there were plenty of seats for EVERYONE to sit on while we waited.

We also spent quite a bit of time in the accessories shop, since if the deal went through, we would need EVERYTHING...life vests for everyone, gas cans, locks, an anchor, first aid kit, etc. Of everything we looked at, Loudoun only wanted a flare gun. Can you blame him? They are pretty fun. We settled on an air horn.

We had an awesome salesman who was super friendly and was very accomodating with our 2 young kids. He even went home and grabbed his hitch to give to us, because he said he never used it. Who does that? I was impressed and so grateful.

I have to admit, too, that our kids were FANTASTIC. They were a little loud and giggly, and ran up and down the aisles a bit much for my liking, but they were in good moods and didn't break anything. And we were amongst bikers and boaters...they don't care about noise, right?

We signed some papers, walked a few more laps, and after a total of 3 hours (plus an hour drive to get there), it was finally time to pull our truck around to get our new Seadoo and trailer hitched up to our car.

 

 

 Rick was a little nervous towing it for the first time, but he was successful and even got it into our driveway on his first attempt.

We took it out last Sunday to a local lake, because we just HAD to get it in the water. I see many lake weekends ahead of us....hmmmm, how about this weekend? Grandma is watching our kids for the weekend...I think it's the perfect time for Rick and I to see what our new "Green Machine" can do.