Because the truth is?
I don't struggle.
I don't think about drinking, I don't crave drinking, and I don't wish I could drink again. Really ever. Of course there are random moments when I smell Kahlua somewhere and momentarily miss a nice coffee drink with dessert. Or see a salt-rimmed margarita glass on a table next to the chips and salsa, and wish I could have one.
But day to day, weekend to weekend, morning to night, I don't think about or miss alcohol. I don't wish I had it to unwind, or get through a rough day, or numb the pain of a tough situation. It isn't a necessary part of a celebration and as I found out this past week, I don't need it to get through a vacation.
And I hate writing that, because 1) I don't want to make anyone feel bad if they still do crave alcohol, and 2) I don't want anyone to think I feel I did something to earn this, because I had absolutely nothing to do with it.
Jesus did.
I owe all of my recovery to Him. He saved me, repaired me, taught me a new way, and saves me every single day by removing the craving. I feel so blessed by His mercy.
I don't deserve it.
I don't know why it is this way for me....
Maybe craving alcohol isn't supposed to be my trial to deal with right now.
Maybe He took away the daily craving so I can deal with other issues in this time and space.
Maybe He is setting me up for other things in the future.
Maybe He made my sobriety path look this way so I can share how awesome He is with whoever reads this post.
Maybe there are people out there, teetering on quitting drinking, or teetering on turning their life over to Jesus. And this will open doors.
Maybe I will never know why He took the craving away from me.
All I know is I am so grateful.
I don't deserve this gift, and yet He has given it to me.
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~Ephesians 2:3-5
All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.
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Disclaimer: I do not assume it will be like this forever, I do not take for granted how amazing this gift is, and I remind myself every day that I am still an alcoholic, who will never be able to drink normally again. And again, I did NOTHING to earn or deserve this.
The best gifts, always, are the ones we do not "deserve." You're blessed! ( what a glorious feeling, [even if it changes in the future... it's here today]).
ReplyDeleteRobin,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughtful reply .. sorry you spent time thinking about this while on vacation :). I'm the woman that posed the originally question. I am struggling to stop and have been cutting down significantly. Like you, it's mainly guilt that I'm dealing with - no legal or financial difficulties (yet). You've given me so much to think about and want to you know you're an inspiration .. watching the joy you have with the everyday things with your children/husband is a very strong message. Thanks again.
Anonymous, I am so glad you came back and commented! I have been thinking about you ever since your first comment. Not only was I hoping you were ok, but you also challenged me on a good question, so that's awesome too, making me take a good look inside of myself.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand the guilt, and if you ever want to chat feel free to email me directly.
Robin,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your generous offer. I may take you up on that and contact you sometime. Thanks again. I really appreciate it.
It's a good, a generous gift of grace. And sometimes we don't always need to know the why behind a good, generous gift. Just have to take it and appreciate the stuffing out of it. Clearly, you do. Also, this was a really brave post, and I'm really glad to have read about what you have done in His strength.
ReplyDeleteThis post is so good. So true and real and hopeful! I am grateful our Lord has removed your cravings!! I have been sober for 2.5 years and am generally in a pretty good place. Some mama drama this week that has got me struggling, but I DO NOT think drinking would help. And that is a bonus!!
ReplyDeleteGod is good and His love endures forever!