Tonight I messed up.
A neighbor kid was over playing video games with Loudoun, Avalon was playing with her little friend. It was late in the afternoon, nobody had napped, the neighbor got mad at Loudoun and said, "I hate Loudoun!" Rick got mad and reprimanded the kid, Avalon and her friend were all riled up, and as I tried to walk the neighbor out the front door to go home, Loudoun was jabbering away to the kid, over and over again, and I said,
Loudoun, shut up and walked out the door.
It didn't even register in my head what I had just done until Rick came flying out of the house, What are you DOING? Loudoun's in there crying 'cause you told him to shut up.
And then my heartbreak set in.
In all of the chaos, I said something to my kid that was completely hurtful and unacceptable. My heart still burns as I type that.
At first I was mad at my husband for coming outside yelling at me, how dare he talk to me in such a way. But as I replayed everything that had just happened, it took me about 3 seconds to turn it all back on myself...I was the only one at fault. I reacted in the heat of the moment, and lashed out at someone I should always protect.
I quickly came in and sat next to Loudoun, and apologized for saying such a hurtful thing to him. I asked for his forgiveness, which he gave right away, but I could tell he was still hurt, understandably. After explaining I had made a horrible mistake, I never meant to talk that way to my son, it slipped out and I didn't mean it, and I am so heartbroken for hurting his feelings, I ended it with letting him choose my punishment.
He thought about for a minute, and came up with, You can't do anything to your hair for a week....no straightening, product, or ponytails, and no lipstick except chapstick.
He was smiling ear to ear.
Done kid, whatever you say. Just seeing you smile again, I'll go forever with no hairstyle.
Later in the evening I pulled him aside and complimented him on his ability to forgive. That boy has such a big heart; one that was so easy for me to hurt with the sting of harsh words, but one that was willing to forgive his mama who messed up.
Curly for a week.