Diet Coke on the Rocks

Bigger Picture Moment: Family First

2012-01-25T21:30:00.000-08:00

My church's sermon on Sunday talked about loving your family intentionally and making your life simple enough that you have room for them on your calendar and in your heart.

While I feel like I do this pretty well in my daily life, I definitely took this as an opportunity to make more of our time together and make the quantity even more quality.

So, this afternoon while it was 75 degrees outside when we got home from school, we went out in the front yard and played. Played like we haven't played outside since early autumn.

did you ever have one of these bouncy balls? She loves hers.

Loudoun asked for roller blades for his birthday and he's getting really good!
He wanted me to tell you in these letters exactly, he's a GR8 SK8TER, yo!

We had a picnic dinner on the lawn.

And we finished off the night with leftover cake from Rick's celebration last night

(he got a promotion!) and we each blew out candles and we all sang happy

birthday to each other. It was awesome. I want to do that every night.

forgiveness

2012-01-22T20:39:00.000-08:00

Today my kids have:

Stolen my nail file/buffer and used it as a plastic sword sharpener.

Brought back out every toy I put away this morning. And more.

Left capri-sun straw wrappers on the living room floor (do your kids dothis?).

Put a fully chewed piece of gum on the sitting bench under the frontwindow.

Let the dog out the front door, putting into motion a 35 minute chasedown 5 blocks to get the dog back to our house (although, in my kids' defense,this was the fault of our dog...he has no loyalty to our home).

Opened a 6 pack of paint, used their fingers to spoon out the paint intoa shoe box, close the lid and roll around a Bakugan inside to see how muchpaint they could get on it, all on the front porch with white t-shirts on andno cloth down under the brick. Oh, and then my daughter brought in the sheet ofpaper that was inside the box and put it on her purple rug to dry. At least sherinsed out the paint brush.

Whined because I wouldn't let him watch a PG13 movie (he's 8).

Whined because her brother called her a chicken butt. And I mean whinedexcessively.

This was all before 11am.

After so much snapping and yelling out of pure frustration, whichobviously wasn't working, I pulled both of my kids into the living room, satthem on my lap, and prayed with them. Thanking God for forgiving myshortcomings and asking for forgiveness from my kids, and a change of heart toturn around my attitude for the day. We all felt so much better and it was anew start.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything againstanyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heavenmay forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

And we moved on.

And only a few minutes later, Avalon moved right along and, upset aboutsomething Loudoun said, ripped up a piece of her brother's artwork and thenproceeded to cry for 30 minutes when I asked her to apologize to her brother.When I was finally able to get audible words out of her, she admitted to beingafraid of telling her brother she was sorry, in fear of his reaction.

Whoa teaching moment, were you just set up so conveniently?

When we don't feel worthy of forgiveness, it is already there for us. Weare so loved and He just wants to draw us near, and wants our hearts to turntowards Him. Amazing, right?

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just andwill forgive us our sins and purify us from allunrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

Once that little charade was over, the rest of the day turned around andmuch roller blading, cooking, photographing, playing and laughing tookplace.

This family? We are constantly learning about forgiveness and starting fresh. We fail, and try again.

Drawing Me Near

2012-01-21T08:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my heart was reeling with frustration and anger.
Which made my heart ache and I was miserable at work.
I knew how to go to God for help finding peace in the situation.
And He kept me calm all day as I worked and kept focused on Him while doing the job I needed to do.

But I didn't know how to surrender my hurting heart to Him. In that moment I felt too weak.
So He sent a friend to lead the way in prayer.
And He sent friend with comforting and wise Words from Proverbs.

photo credit

And in the middle of an upsetting event, through surrender to the Almighty God, I grew closer to Him.
Which was probably the purpose of the whole event taking place.

Our Lord is beautiful.

mario kart birthday cake: how we made it

2012-01-18T21:54:00.000-08:00

I started with two store bought boxes of marble cake mix, per Loudoun's request. I used the mix to make four 8" round cakes. Based on advise from the internet, I made the 4 round cakes the night before I wanted to decorate, wrapped them in saran wrap and put them in the freezer. This locked in the freshness and made icing it so much easier!

I cut little semi-circles in 2 of the cakes, to create the figure EIGHT, for Loudoun's 8th birthday and the racetrack of the Mario Kart racetrack.

Of course Loudoun didn't have a shirt on. Typical in this household.

They each got to pick one bag of candy from the cake decorating store. Loudoun picked candy rocks to put around the racetrack. Avalon picked mini m&m's.

Once the cakes were assembled, it was time to get to decorating. The fun part!

We used crushed Oreo cookies, minus the filling, for the road. The kids split the cookies apart and tried many, many times to lick the frosting away. We donated quite a few cookies to the Avalon and Loudoun fund. I used toothpicks to create the guides for the figure 8.

Once the road was paved, we filled in the pit area with grass and painted lines on the road.

And finally, we placed the cake topper kit items (purchased on Amazon) around the track. Kit included 6 karts, trophy and finish line flags. We used mini Oreos as little tires in the pit.

The cake was really easy, the kids were able to contribute to so many parts of the decorating process, and we had such a blast doing it together!

8 is Great! Except when it's your kid, and then 8 is getting too old, too fast.

2012-01-16T09:22:00.000-08:00

5 days old

At the same time I was spending my Amazon Christmas gift card on a present for my son's birthday, my son was spending his Amazon Christmas card on a surprise, out-of-the-blue present for his daddy. He needed my help on the computer, and wanted to make sure I didn't spill the beans to Rick.

Love him.

1st birthday

When we prayed the other night in his room before bedtime, my prayer went on a bit longer than normal, and when we finished he said, "I was praying my own prayer in my head, asking God for wisdom."

Love him.

2nd birthday

He went the whole week without burping or talking about burping so daddy would buy him a shock pen. It was a deal they made, to make me happy (it was a hard task for him, I know!)

Love him.

3rd birthday

"Mama, I'm gonna make you a promise...I'm not going to move out until I'm 50,

so you won't be sad."

Love him.

4th birthday

We bought him roller blades for his birthday, and I spent the entire night before fretting for the safety of his elbows and knees and he went out there and skated like he's been doing it for years.

Love him.

5th birthday at Knott's Berry Farm

Once a pretty shy kiddo, he has grown into a confident, outgoing, sensitive young man.

Love him.

6th birthday at Benihana

His little sister is his best friend, and her happiness and comfort are always important to him.

Love him.

7th birthday

The other parents at school always say, "Oh that Loudoun, he is hilarious!" Yes, he keeps us laughing ALL.THE.TIME.

Love him.

8th birthday - 2012

Loudoun, I look at you and see such a grown-up kid. Someone with so much love and happiness in his heart. Here's to a great year, bubba. We love you. 8 years ago you changed our lives, and I live everyday so proud to be your mama.

January Simple Swap: Closet Clean Out

2012-01-06T13:48:00.001-08:00

We all want to live healthier, more intentional lives, but sometimes it seems overwhelming and daunting to take even small steps toward our ideals because there are so many steps before us.

Simple Swaps was created by Hyacynth out of a desire and passion to encourage other women on journeys toward living healthier, more inspired, intentional lifestyles through implementing one simple swap per month.

Each swap will:

1. Take 30 minutes or less to accomplish2. Be inexpensive to implement or boast overall, long-haul {health} savings

3. Focus on improving health/eco-friendliness, being good stewards of our resources and/or fostering a creative and intentional life.

Some weeks, all three will be accomplished in 30 minutes or less!

*********

I helped a friend pack up her entire house in one day for an impromptu move to Australia (from Los Angeles), and although I came home tired and sore, I also came home energized to clean and organize. Not my whole house mind you, no that requires visitors coming over to motivate me to clean. No, I was energized to organize my bedroom closet.The friend gave me 8 dresses to take home with me, ones she decided she didn't wear very often, so I came home tried them on, and went to town making room for them in the mess I currently call my closet. I worked in such a fury that I forgot to take before pics...whoops! But I will tell you that in 30 short minutes, I:

yanked all old, too small, too big, out-of-style and not ever worn clothes off hangers
stole good hangers from my husband's closet
pulled out the shoes I never wear from the shoe rack and off my daughter's feet (she played dress-up while I cleaned...her favorites are boots...I don't blame her, they're mine, too)
cleaned out all the junk in my old purses and put them in the giveaway pile
Clipped the lift tickets (from my first date with my husband) off the oversized, baggy snowboard pants I will never wear again because it isn't 2000 anymore, and tossed them aside
went online to look for new snowboard pants for our upcoming Big Bear trip ;)
Came back and put all of the give away stuff in a bag to take to Goodwill next weekend.

leftover hangers after clothing purge

Goodwill bag: I weighed this out of curiosity - 18 pounds!

This made room for the new dresses...YAY! But it also made my dressy work clothes hang smoother and nicer without being shoved in together. It made room for my purses, shoes, jewelry and my sanity when I need to get ready. Getting ready at 5:50am is no fun, but at least my closet is organized and roomy now.It's the New Year, you should join us and clean out a closet in your home! If you do, please link up with us at Undercover Mother's site and share your efforts, ideas and epiphanies. And before pics would be nice. ;)

bigger picture moment: thankful for memories

2012-01-05T15:15:00.000-08:00

It's a new year, and I have resolved to venture out at lunch everyday and get to walking.
I used to do this before. Walking during my lunch break.
Last spring to shake off the winter feeling.
And in Fall of 2007 when I came back to work from maternity leave.

Has it really been almost 5 years since I walked these streets with her?
So neatly tucked away in a stroller, sleeping cozily in footed pajamas as I rounded block after block to take a break from the office?

Is she really my big girl now, getting ready to enter kindergarten in the fall, not ever needing a stroller anymore? Holding my hand everywhere we go, as we share about our days?

How did the years go by so quickly?

As I rounded all the same blocks yesterday, I was filled with praise from the worship songs on my iPod and praise on my heart for all the memories I keep of my little ones. Most days I feel guilty that I cannot remember more details from my 8 years of motherhood, and I know it will only get worse as I get older.

Memories fade, and I grasp to hold onto them.

But yesterday I felt complete gratitude for all of the memories I do remember. I spent 45 minutes jumping from memory to memory of her almost 5 years in my life, from the little things she did as a newborn to the big things she is doing as a little girl.

And my heart just swelled. It swelled for the gift of my family, and it swelled for the gift all the days I get to share with them.

And I'm grateful for cameras.

My son will be 8 in eleven days. More to come on how my heart is exploding for that kid.

Edit Me Challenge: Week 1

2012-01-03T22:36:00.000-08:00

YAY! Edit Me Challenge is back for the New Year!

Here is this week's photo:

And here is my EDIT:

My edit included using Lightroom to adjust the white balance, add a graduated filter, apply a Seim Fix the Flat filter and a Seim Old Film filter. Finally, I used Photoshop to remove a few of the sun spots on the face of this adorable kid.

Go on over to the official challenge site to check out other entries and/or submit your EDIT entry.

It's fun!

Farewell, friend

2011-12-30T09:10:00.000-08:00

Friend,

You have been through so much. You haveendured more hardship than most. You have cried out to the Lord for rescuing,and I pray this opportunity is what God has planned for you, to get you well.To begin your healing. I know your heart hurts. Your leg hurts. And you cry outfor a better life for you and your daughter. The Lord loves you, and wants toprotect your family, His children.

Hang in there, Annabelle, He is working a miraclein your life. I will miss you terribly when you move to Australia next week,but I'm praying that a new life awaits you there and you and your daughter canfind the happiness and joy you so desperately deserve.

It broke my heart when you said last night thatyou feel like a failure because you aren't sure what God's Will is for you. Andoh my love, that is so every one of us, that is because we are human, and that iswhy we need Jesus. We need our Saviour to rescue us. Keep looking up towardsHim.

Those who know your name trust in you, foryou, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. ~Psalm 9:10

Our family loves you, you have blessed us with your friendship.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life,neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, norany powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus ourLord.

~Romans 8:38-39

Christmas morning in pictures

2011-12-26T12:54:00.000-08:00

Mandatory pics prior to letting them loose on presents

literal tears from receiving Skylander.

adorable personalized chef gear.

opening stockings

miniature tea set. She was pouting about something. Luckily it didn't last long.

husband knows I am always cold at night in the living room .
What he didn't plan on was me opening this gift at the same time Ralpie opened his gift from Aunt Clara!

After all the craziness of Christmas morning, I wanted to relax.
But Avalon desperately wanted to bake cookies, so guess what we did?
They also turned out better than mine ever do, of course.

Bigger Picture Moment: Broken

2011-12-22T10:44:00.000-08:00

"...I entered the rooms of AA a broken man...."

I haven't been to a meeting in several weeks, and before then for several months, but I was asked last night to come and give a friend a sobriety cake, to which I was honored to accept. A total of 119 years of sobriety were celebrated last night, so to say the room was filled with excitement and glee is an understatement.

After all of the cake-takers gave their speeches, the guest leader of the meeting shared his alcoholic/sobriety story, and talked about his prison time...the fights...the illegal activity...the divorce...all as a result of alcohol. He said when he finally hit bottom, he crawled into the rooms of AA a broken man, and finally got clean and sober.

I spent the remainder of the meeting processing that word through my mind. Brokenness. To him it was such a dire thing, his rock bottom. But I dare say,

we are so lucky, us alcoholics.

photo credit

We are broken.

Our brokenness brings humility.

Our brokenness points us to a Higher Power in control of our lives.
It shows us we are not in charge.

Our brokenness directs us to look around and see how we can help others.
To assist the weak out of their brokenness.

Through alcoholism Jesus brought me to His Kingdom. Through alcoholism I was broken, and saw life in a new Light. Everyday I learn to be grateful for my disease.

What a Gift.

back to the 70's

2011-12-21T09:02:00.000-08:00

And this is why I love my BFF, Jamie (and also Three's Company).

Jamie directed me towards awesome boots since I needed fashion help before purchasing a pair

(or two, hi Rick!),

and she also has a great knack for finding the funny in every situation.

Love you, Jamie!

sunrise

2011-12-20T10:52:00.000-08:00

It was a morning of waking up late, sleeping through the alarm, dropping my phone in a body of water (still works!) and not being able to find the right shoes to wear. Pants were changed twice before deciding on plain black, and shoes were changed three times to find the right heel for the pants. Mornings can be complicated.

It's hard to get out of bed and leave the man of my dreams and the snuggle of my littlest girl. It's hard to walk past my growing too fast son in his bunk bed and my puppy snuggled on his bed in the kitchen. It's hard to step out the front door into the frigid air, looking at my car iced over through icy breath. But I do it, because this is where God has me and where my family has me and if I really answered you honestly I want to be out there.

I turned the bend out of the canyon onto the highway running parallel to the ocean, and this work of art jumped out at me. The magnificent, glorious sun coming up over the horizon peeking out behind several layers of clouds, making it possible to stare directly at its orange glow. I knew I only had seconds before it would venture up into the sky, so bright nobody could look at its majesty. So I locked eyes on it, mesmerized by its beauty, and committed to start my day all over again.

The sun shall be no more your light by day,

nor for brightness shall the moon give you light;

but the LORD will be your everlasting light,

and your God will be your glory.

~Isaiah 60:19

This has been part of EO's Just Write.

sweetness

2011-12-19T13:16:00.000-08:00

Sweetness comes in the little hand placed in mine every time she steps out of the car door. Every time she walks across a parking lot. Every time we maneuver through a store or a sea of people. She has moved past the independent stage of not wanting my hand, to the "we're a mother/daughter team and we always hold hands."

Sweetness comes when she helps me fill out a deposit slip at the bank, signing her name with a lollipop little a like only she does.

can she do that forever, please?

Sweetness comes at the last moment when she comes barreling down the hallway begging to come to church with me so "I won't be alone."

And sweetness always, always, always comes when she is sleeping. Because, you know, they are the sweetest when they sleep!

‘Twas the Write Before Christmas {2011 Day 7}

2011-12-12T12:52:00.000-08:00

to seek the Light

taken with iPhone4

for more entries, visit:

I passed!!

2011-12-09T11:10:00.001-08:00

I guess my poor attitude on Sunday (thanks to PMS and holiday decorating stress) and my semi-poor, residual attitude on Monday (continued PMS and hello?!? Monday) did not sway my almost 8 year old son from giving me an A+ in parenting. With his parent/teacher conference this morning, I thought it would be a good idea last night to get brave and give him an opportunity to grade me as his mom. And much to my surprise, he didn't hesitate to answer back with an awesome, passing grade.

We spent some time talking about what things could be improved and what things were awesome, and it was such a nice chat to have together. He even gave Daddy an A+ too, which melted daddy's heart because he didn't know what I was even up to.

I guess this goes to show that 1) us parents can be way too hard on and unforgiving of ourselves, 2) apologies for bad attitudes are not only heard but accepted, 3) praying to the Lord for forgiveness in front of your kids help them understand you really do feel remorseful and 4) kids are more resilient than you think.

I was really beating myself up by Monday night, but a few apologies and extra attempts at affection later, our relationship has been mended and life moved on. Family moved on. I'd say I learned a few things, he learned a few things, and the love only grew.

Thank God for my family.

‘Twas the Write Before Christmas {2011 Day 3}: the perfect coat

2011-12-07T09:24:00.000-08:00

All this time, he's been enduring life without a coat. He's warm enough, or so he thinks, he's strong enough on his own, or so he thinks, and he hasn't found the need for one yet.

Sure, he and I throughout the years both used to wear different coats...thinner ones that didn't serve much purpose, or flashier ones that weren't utilitarian. Or no coat at all, because we thought we could get through the day without bringing one along.

But I just received my perfect coat 2 years ago. It is the most comforting, warm coat, more than I could ever possibly imagine. It's beautiful. This new coat, well, it is more than I could have ever asked for. Or deserved.

It's Perfect.

After 2 years he still finds no need for a coat. He sees me wear my coat everyday, and is possibly puzzled at how wonderful this coat is, but yet he still does not pursue one. He sees our kids try-on perfect coats, and although they have not found the perfect-fitting one just yet, they are being trained to understand we all need the perfect coat.

He has agreed to make an appointment on Christmas Eve to learn about the perfect coat. Maybe someday soon he will think of putting on that perfect coat, as it is so graciously offered to him.

photo credit

I pray for him everyday, that he will see the beauty and necessity of the perfect coat. It will last him forever. And although there is no rush, because if he is meant to get the perfect coat he will, it would be lovely for him to be able to enjoy the benefits and comforts all of these days.

Hallelujah.

Simple Swap: Wrapping Paper

2011-12-02T00:00:00.000-08:00

We all want to live healthier, more intentional lives, but sometimes it seems overwhelming and daunting to take even small steps toward our ideals because there are so many steps before us.

Each swap will:

1. Take 30 minutes or less to accomplish
2. Be inexpensive to implement or boast overall, long-haul {health} savings

3. Focus on improving health/eco-friendliness, being good stewards of our resources and/or fostering a creative and intentional life.

Some weeks, all three will be accomplished in 30 minutes or less!

*********

Simple Swap: Wrapping Paper

When Hy and I decided to make December "wrapping paper" month, I knew right away I had a drawer full of Christmas gift bags, because those are really easy to save and reuse. We typically do it in our house for all occasions we receive gift bags.

And while a handful of gift bags is a good start, it won't get this family through the holidays, especially with two young kids who like to be surprised by what is under the tree.

So I started researching. And after only a few minutes of internet searching, I found an amazing recycled wrapping store company, which, I plan on not only using for all of my Christmas wrapping needs this year, but all future gift wrapping needs throughout the year (birthdays, weddings, showers, etc).

Their products are made of 100% recycled paper, soy ink and their labels are petroleum free. And that is something I feel better about. Plus, GGGW is commited to protecting and preserving the environment. 10% of their profits will be donated to environmental causes (5% will be donated to the Rainforest Action Network and 5% of the profits will be donated to the Sierra Club). Awesome!

What really impressed me are their prices (compared to some other recycled paper companies out there), which seem identical to what I would pay in the store for the same non-recycled items. So, while this Simple Swap isn't entirely free for me to accomplish, I will end up spending the same amount of money for a much more environment-friendly product.

And guess what? Green Girl Gift Wrap has graciously offered to sponsor the Simple Swap giveaway this month! The winner, to be chosen on December 16th (to give the winner time to wrap their gifts), will receive all of the following:

(1) pack of Snowman gift wrap

(1) pack of Red Curves Gift Wrap

(1) pack of Red Gift Wrap

(1) pack of Red/Gold Snowflakes

(1) pack of Blue Diamond gift wrap

(1) pack of purple Stripe gift wrap

(1) pack of Wedding gift wrap

(2) Large gift bags

(2) Medium gift bags

(2) Small gift bags

(2) Packs of tissue paper

Can you believe it? Come on you guys, if you have been shy to participate in a Simple Swap so far, this is the month to come out of your shell and be a part of this challenge. Grab your camera, take some pictures of your swap, write about your experience and then link up below to enter this awesome giveaway.

{No purchase necessary. Giveaway is open to all U.S. residents who are 18 years and older. The link will close on December 15th at 11:59pm and the winner will be selected randomly Dec. 16, 2011 from the link up pool. Green Girl Gift Wrap is only providing the giveaway items; I have not been compensated in any way or gifted with any product to talk about GGGW}.

pink

2011-11-27T09:41:00.001-08:00

From where I sat, I could see her bright pink windbreaker jacket resting over her frail, hunched-over shoulders. Her hair was white and thinning in some spots, and her size was that of a 12 year old girl, not much more of a grown woman anymore.

When we all stood up to worship, I could see all of her more clearly. Bright pink tennis shoes, bright pink walking cane, bright pink satchel and of course, a bright pink bible cover. Oh, was she cute.

And when the music started and the lyrics came across the screen, she lifted her hands to the heavens and sang glory to our God.

It was a beautiful sight. From an old lady with a lot of style.

scavenger hunt sunday

2011-11-26T16:56:00.001-08:00

waiting

(taken with the iPhone)

foliage

(taken with the iPhone)

candid

knife, fork or spoon

who let that 4 year old have a knife?

rule of thirds

thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-24T20:59:00.001-08:00

Art

2011-11-21T19:58:00.001-08:00

I get home a few minutes early from work and decide to take the dog for a walk, because it is still a bearable temperature at the moment and I know if I wait until the kids go to bed it will be dark and chilly. I haven't been very motivated to get moving these days, but for some reason today it feels better to get out of the house for my extra half hour than it does to be tempted by sweets in the Halloween baskets still sitting on the dining room table, so we go.

And the second our feet hit the pavement it feels good. The crisp air, the warm muscles, the motivation. It feels so nice to have 30 minutes to myself, where I can really breathe in the Goodness. The hues of orange, red, yellow and brown that seem to dangle from the branches and float down to cover our sidewalks and streets in autumn glory.

I wonder how it is that I am so lucky to see all of these colors, on an impromptu walk around the neighborhood. But just like so many times throughout my day, the colors jump out at me from the canvases of Art provided for my viewing...the drive through the canyon of gorgeous pine trees, the purple and pink sunrises and red and orange sunsets from the top of the canyon, the misty shore and powerful, crashing waves two minutes from my office. It all calls for my attention, each and every day. Always looking more glorious than the day before. How is that possible?

I wonder every day how I can somehow pull over on my one lane highway with no turnouts to capture this amazing view with my camera, but something in me is at peace when I cannot, because I know tomorrow will hold as much, if not more, beauty.

scavenger hunt sunday

2011-11-20T17:30:00.001-08:00

This Sunday's indoor scavenger hunt took a little more thinking on my part, since it was pouring rain and I didn't want to leave the warmth and comfort of my home. But it was just as much fun as every other week!
mainly one color

I love how 4 year olds can get away with so much pink.
around the home

Our neighbor works at Michaels and gave us a ton of scrapbooking scissors. I don't scrapbook, but my kids love the different scissor edges for their projects.
reflection

I have put this to good use baking MANY cookies in the past 2 weeks.
writing

Sunday school took a trip to Ethiopia today, and this was Avalon's passport. I love how her lower case "a" looks like a lollipop.
water

This was the only time I went outside and it was for literally 12 seconds.

I am thankful~bigger picture

2011-11-17T04:00:00.000-08:00

I am painfully aware of despair, sin and brokenness around me. It has been coming at me from several angles for quite some time now, surrounding my every move, and it is breaking me down. I have tried to help out where I can, I have tried to step in where I thought appropriate, and I have stood up for myself where I felt called to do so. But it doesn't take away the pit I feel deep down in my soul.

I want the suffering to see hope. I want the sick to heal. I want the sinners to do right. I want them to stop offending my God. I wish they could all turn to Jesus and find joy amongst their pain. Turn to Jesus and realize sin is hurtful to people. Turn to Jesus and find everlasting protection from an eternal Father.

With Him there is forgiveness.
With Him there is hope.
With Him there is mercy.

And while I wait for Him to tell me if He wants me to move in any one of their lives, minister in a different way, or give in a way a person needs, I sit here and pray to my Father, thanking Him for everything He has blessed me with.

a relationship with Him
my husband and children
my brothers and sisters in Christ
my supportive friends and family
my health, and the health of my family
my safe and comfortable home
the beautiful world God has put around me to enjoy

I am so thankful I can count on my Father through every season of my life. What are you thankful for? Head over to Alita's and share your thoughts and read what others have to say. THANK YOU!

Edit Me Challenge: Week 26

2011-11-16T21:34:00.001-08:00

I noticed Alita, a blogger friend of mine, is hosting the Edit Me Challenge this week, so I thought I'd get off my butt and participate.

Here is the original photo:

And here is my edit:

I loved this photo from the moment I saw it, so I chose just to warm it up a little bit. I did that by adjusting the split toning in Lightroom and using the Golden Sun, warmer and vibrance presets.

Go check out the other entries...some awesome edits have been submitted...or submit your own!

Learning better ways to trick my kids

2011-11-12T09:04:00.001-08:00

Crockpot steel-cut oatmeal cooked overnight,

turned into a breakfast BOTH of my kids actually ate.

See:

add good toppings to entice them.

Kid-worthy toppings required a trip to the supermarket, because we were fresh out of marshmallows and chocolate chips, but we did have blueberries, bananas, dried cranberries, honey, maple syrup and cinnamon-sugar.

And with the rain today, it was perfect to wake up to a warm bowl of oatmeal all ready for us!

Have a nice weekend, everyone.

scavenger hunt sunday

2011-11-06T17:26:00.000-08:00

1. food

Loudoun bought this plastic safe from the local arcade and ever since, his Halloween candy has been stored in there. Currently, it's holding sour skittles. I wish I could put all of the kids' candy in there, to keep it on lockdown (from me)!

2. purple

3. in disguise

It rained all morning here, so on my afternoon walk the sun tried to come out, but it was constantly hiding behind the gray clouds.

4. shapes

Can you see the face in the middle? Now that I've spotted him,

I can't take my eyes off the friendly old man.

5. photographer's choice(s)

I was bummed at first that the picture is blurry,

but now I'm digging that it captured her puddle-jumping movement.

Loudoun wouldn't let me take his picture while he was dancing (oh, he is the cutest dancer who inherited his daddy's dancing skillz), but when I showed him that I captured a screenshot of his Dance Central finish, he all of a sudden became interested in posting it on my blog. He wanted me to tell you all that he is a Rock Star Dancer. Yes, yes he is.

Halloween, you got me again

2011-11-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

Three years in a row it's been.

Halloween as a sober mom.

The first 2 years were filled with extra guests at our house, extracocktails being poured, and extra resentment and frustration in my mind as aresult.

This year no extra guests were around, and still the sight of myhusband pouring a cocktail for himself to celebrate the festive day got myblood boiling and my skin on fire. I snapped and criticized and picked on himthroughout the evening, hiding behind the general excuse of the day beingrushed and busy getting ready for trick-or-treating.

But the truth of the matter is, I still have alcoholism issues I tookout on him. Issues I still need to deal with.

(The other truth, is that I have the most forgiving andamazing husband who accepts my failures and brokenness, time and time again.Who works through them with me and genuinely accepts my apology every time.Bless that man).

But I am well past 2 years of sobriety and don't have any cravingsanymore, and alcoholism snuck it's way back into my life in a split-second inthe form of resentment. Towards my own husband who was celebrating with hisfamily. It snuck in and robbed me of the pure innocence that is

young kids excited to get theirface painted

young kids running from door todoor hoping for their baskets to be filled to the brim

families scouring through candy baskets searching forthe perfect candy to enjoy before bedtime.

It robbed me of that, because my head was filled with distractingfrustrations and resentments that weren't even warranted. Subconsciously I wasfearing Halloween the third year in a row, and alcoholism won. AGAIN. Ithappened so quickly, I didn't even see it coming. In fact, it wasn't until I droveto work the next morning, and humbled myself to God asking for forgiveness forhurting my husband's feelings, that I was struck with the reality that this isan alcoholism issue I needed to work on. And come clean to my husband about.

I have been reminded once again that this disease never goes away. Ican work at it and I can tame it, but it will always be there and I better havesupport on my side to get through it all. Luckily, I do.

Halloween2012, I'm ready for you!!

This post (especially the red & blue coloredsections above) is a contribution to

Bigger Picture Blogs I am Thankful November Series.

What are you thankful for in your life?Head over to Lenae'ssite to

submit your entry or read the entries of other thankful contributors.

November Simple Swap: Coconut Oil

2011-11-01T02:00:00.000-07:00

We all want to live healthier, more intentional lives, but sometimes it seems overwhelming and daunting to take even small steps toward our ideals because there are so many steps before us.

Simple Swaps was created by Hyacynth out of a desire and passion to encourage other women on journeys toward living healthier, more inspired, intentional lifestyles through implementing one simple swap per month.

Each swap will:
1. Take 30 minutes or less to accomplish
2. Be inexpensive to implement or boast overall, long-haul {health} savings
3. Focus on improving health/eco-friendliness, being good stewards of our resources and/or fostering a creative and intentional life.

Some weeks, all three will be accomplished in 30 minutes or less!

Make sure to head over to Hy's place to see her Simple Swap this week. She always has awesome ideas and final results, and this week will be no exception!

*********

Recently, Hyacynth posted about a yummy apple pie oatmeal crock pot recipe that I just had to try. It had a lot of alternative ingredients in it, like coconut oil instead of butter, almond meal instead of white flour, etc. I had none of these ingredients in stock, because you know, I typically make instant oatmeal. But something in me has changed lately, and I've been more interested in putting healthy ingredients into my family's bellies (especially my 4 year old picky eater). So I went out to our local health food store and stocked up on everything I needed.

The oatmeal turned out great, so I wanted to see what else I could make with the alternative ingredients. My first swap: COCONUT OIL. Did you know wherever you use butter, you can use virgin coconut oil? It's healthier (<---find out why here), and adds a great mild coconut flavor. I decided to bake cookies, with chocolate chips and butterscotch chips.

Let's be honest, in addition to the unsalted butter I would have used, I had to include margarine

in this pic, because that's usually what I have on hand.

Whole Foods had plenty of these to pick from (different brands, different cooking temperatures, etc).

Please read to the end of this post for our coconut oil giveaway courtesy of Nutiva.

I was pleasantly surprised at how similar the entire recipe was, except the swapped-out butter.

I had everything else in the cupboard.

The batter was the same...oh, and yummy. Although, don't tell my husband I tasted it,

he gets mad when I eat raw eggs.

My cookies never rise, like EVER, So, don't let this picture fool you...the cookies were delicious! They had a hint of coconut flavor to them (of course), which almost made them taste like I made them on a tropical island. My family gobbled them up, and they were none the wiser that I made the swap. They also didn't know I swapped out some of the flour for almond meal, and threw in some flax seed.

HA, I'm tricky.

So are you ready to join our monthly swap and try coconut oil in a really simple way? Grab your camera, take some pictures of your swap, write about your experience and then link up.

This week's giveaway is sponsored by Nutiva, who offers hemp, coconut and chia superfoods.

Their foods are offered at more than 4,000 stores throughout North America and the UK

(including Whole Foods) and online at the Nutiva Store.

Someone who links up will win a free jar of Nutiva coconut oil. How awesome is that?!?!

{No purchase necessary. Giveaway is open to all U.S. residents who are 18 years and older.

The winner will be selected randomly December 1, 2011 from the link up pool.}

peeling off the layers

2011-10-27T21:33:00.000-07:00

Today was emotional. But it was more than a a tummy ache and a mistake at work making me anxious about upsetting a boss. It was extreme heart-melting joy at something my husband did nice for me today. I am so blessed to have him in my life. As my friend. Looking out for me. It was a strong desire to really let the teller know it was alright she made a mistake. It was a struggle to look beyond the evil heart of an acquaintance and keep a positive heart. It was a push to say what I feel is right in my heart, not yeah uh-huh the ways of the world as one so highly speaks of something I know in my heart is wrong.

It was more of a tug on my heart to feel more, go deeper, look within. To what, I am not quite sure yet. Like He is pulling off the old layers, exposing the raw tree underneath. I am deeply rooted in Him, but always exposed to the ways of the world.

So I pray on it. And I ask my Saviour what He is trying to teach me. Unveil to me. My heart is anxious and excited at the same time, wondering what is around the corner. It feels a bit unsettling, but I know that is good. For He is working. And anything He wills is good.

I can't wait to follow what He lays out for me.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. ~Romans 12:2

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

2011-10-23T21:22:00.000-07:00

This week's Scavenger Hunt Sunday brought to you by our visit to the local pumpkin patch.
1. Words

He had words to say, always, when I bust out the camera
2. Under

3. Orange

4. Fly

5. Always Look on the Bright Side

Seeing God in the little things

2011-10-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

An employee at our church invites his friend to come check out a Sunday service. The friend and his wife have never been to a church, and don't have a desire to attend. Many years go by. The friends still hang out and grow their friendship. Eventually the friend's 5 year old son starts asking about God, and the friend remembers the offer to attend church.

The man and his wife show up early one Sunday, and are greeted warmly at the welcome table.
The greeter sees their son and offers to walk them all over to his classroom.
At the classroom, the sweet volunteer welcomes the kinder kid to a bright, inviting classroom. They check him in with a secure paging system, and leave watching him sit at a table with a group of kids, smiling.
When they get back to the front of the worship center, they are still a few minutes early, so they wait outside.
A friendly church-goer walks over and introduces himself.
The man and his wife go inside, are handed a study guide for the service, along with a smile.
They take their seat and the couple in front of them says hi.
Then they rise to hear worship songs like they have never heard before.
The pastor shares a sermon that moves their heart, is easy to understand and speaks to them.
They leave feeling amazed at all they just experienced, their son begs to come again, so they are excited to come back next Sunday.
Several weeks later they hear the sermon that changes their hearts and they decide to walk with Jesus.
And their lives are forever changed.

Hearing this story on Tuesday, my eyes filled with tears. God is so amazing! And picturing all of those people contributing to the amazing experience of church to honor God, just fills me with joy.

I heard this story from my pastor, as part of my bible study about serving sacrificially. He was getting at the fact that if anyone in the story above dropped the ball with their level and commitment of service, that story most likely would have ended much differently.

To be honest, I was a little surprised that the story made me so emotional out of everything I heard that night, but it did, and I accepted the fact that I was crying in the middle of a brightly-lit bible study room.

---------------------------------------------------

Today I received a text from a friend of mine who I invited to my church awhile back. He's never been into attending church, but he openly listened whenever I spoke about Jesus. His text said that him and his wife went to my church this past Sunday, and loved it so much they are committed to attending every Sunday.

I can't wait to see what the future has in store for my friend and his wife. And I am once again amazed at how God shows me how He connects everything in life.

And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit. ~Ephesians 1:13

Bigger Picture Moments: Struggling

2011-10-13T12:19:00.000-07:00

It began with a "no snacks after school" rule some time ago, after reading Peanut Butter in My Hair's post about picky eaters. Because, ya know, I HAVE ONE.

So, yeah, it was rough for a couple of days, saying no to the constant requests for snacks between the 5 o'clock hour and the 6 o'clock hour, but we got through it and my kids ate so much more at dinner. And more variety. Avalon now eats BROCCOLI! Of course she requires 50 shreds of cheddar cheese on each bite, but I'll take it because we now have a vegetable in the mix.

But yesterday, for some reason, during school pick-up, as Avalon was eating an applesauce left over from her lunch at 5pm (school let her before I arrived), she asked for a snack. A SECOND snack, since there was already one in her hand. When I calmly replied that we don't eat snacks anymore and she mysteriously already had one in her hand, ULTIMATE MELTDOWN ENSUED.

I mean, literally, this girl melted into the backseat of the car as I drove home, and continued on for a good 1/2 hour of kicking and screaming.

I'm learning with my daughter that if she has a set plan in her head and things deviate even the slightest, she can't handle it with maturity yet. And of course that is understandable, she is FOUR. So, most times I try and either give her plenty of notice that the plans have changed or will change, or I try and be flexible with the family plans if it means we can accommodate her a bit and still keep everyone else happy.

But for something like this new no snack rule that seems to be working well for everyone, especially her, I definitely wanted to stand my ground and it was hard to foresee it coming when her tantrum hit full force in a matter of milliseconds.

I mean, really? KID, you are eating something as you ask for a 2nd snack!!! When I offered to make dinner early if she really was that hungry, she replied with I don't like dinner! So, all reasoning had gone out the window.

Recently Hy posted a piece about being patient with her boys as they tried new things and learned their independence. Right now, it seems like it would be so much easier to stand and wait if Avalon was trying new things (as slow as she may be). But instead she is having a hard time accepting things if they are different from the plan she had imagined, and I am having a hard time foreseeing her plans in enough time to help her through it positively.

Maybe this is a growing pain she has to learn....maybe this is a growing pain I need to learn. We both seem to be strong-willed. But we're doing it together with as much love and understanding as we can. Some days are better than others.

And it is hard to see her struggle in this way.

Stop on over at Alita's place today to read other Bigger Picture Moments or to submit your own. There is definitely some great reading over there!

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

2011-10-09T18:55:00.000-07:00

Landscape

It was impossible to go to church this morning because of a screaming toddler, so I waited until the late afternoon and went and had my own session with God, singing loud worship songs, while my toddler slept in the backseat (it's how we get her to nap on weekends).

Complementary color/Triadic color
(although, technically, I think it falls more into Tetrad harmony)

I spent 4 hours cleaning out my son's room on Saturday, so when I saw the color wheel on this
week's challenge, I instantly thought of these, since I just organized them (again).

Black and White

Awesome entrance to a house down a long driveway, spotted while driving
through the canyon, trying to get my daughter to fall asleep.

Food

Simple dessert tonight.

Blank space

Blank space? Negative space? Off limits space? I just went with it.

Busy being busy

2011-10-07T15:11:00.000-07:00

Life has been busy lately, with volleyball practices, picture days, new tennis shoes, share days, award assemblies, trips to the park, celebratory Chuck E. Cheese dinners (their choice, not mine) and out of town visitors. But never so much that skies like this don't stop me in my tracks.

We plan on chillin' out at home all weekend and buying Loudoun a new desk. Ya know, for all that second grade homework he is responsible for these days. New desk = complete bedroom redesign and de-clutter, so I hope I make it out alive.

Have a nice weekend!

Who has the pause button?

2011-10-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

Second grade seems to be the one.

The one that catapults kids into more serious studying.
...into homework is due the next day or there are consequences.
...into upcoming tests.
...into less art projects and more paragraphs.
...into less nurturing and more "this is how it is."
...into being able to eat 2 dinners.
...into wanting skinny jeans.
...into picking the backdrop for your school pictures.
...and wanting to get a haircut the night before.

Luckily, his heart hasn't made that leap yet, and he is still my innocent baby boy.

I'm not ready for him to grow up so fast. Can someone please slow this down?

October Simple Swap: Plastic

2011-10-01T04:00:00.000-07:00

We all want to live healthier, more intentional lives, but sometimes it seems overwhelming and daunting to take even small steps toward our ideals because there are so many steps that can be taken.

Simple Swap was born out of a desire and passion to encourage other women on journeys toward living a healthier, more inspired, intentional lifestyle through implementing one simple swap per month.

Each swap will:
1. Take 30 minutes or less to accomplish
2. Be inexpensive to implement or boast overall, long-haul {health} savings
3. Focus on improving health/eco-friendliness, being good stewards of our resources and/or fostering a creative and intentional life.

Some weeks, all three will be accomplished in 30 minutes or less!

-----------------------------------------------
Plastic, it's quite convenient, isn't it? It's so easy to grab and go. It's so easy to use and toss, and not even think twice. But when Hyacynth challenged me to think about it, I realized I use way more of it than I should. Way more than the Earth would like me to use. So, it was time to make a SIMPLE SWAP change!

First I made a list of all of the plastic that bombarded my life. I came up with two categories that overwhelmed all of the others:

Plastic bags
We frequent 2 types of grocery stores. Costco and the regular ol' supermarket (friends make fun of me for using this term). Costco doesn't use plastic bags, they reuse cardboard boxes from the products they sell, so we were good there. But our family tends to visit the supermarket almost daily, racking up more and more plastic bags all the time! And while they smooth down pretty compactly, when you see them all in one cupboard it really hits home how much they must fill the landfills.

(this cupboard goes all the way back to the shelf on the left,
completely filled with trash bags)

So, our first obvious solution was to take all of the plastic bags we acquired back to the supermarket for recycling, and gather all of the cloth bags we have around the house. Since we make more frequent, smaller trips to the supermarket, a couple of bags are plenty for our family. I decided to throw several bags in my car and 1 in my husband's car, so we are ready at any time to whisk them into the supermarket. I am excited to see how this works out, and I am super excited I gained an entire cupboard to store other things! Like crock pots, griddles and pressure cookers!

Plastic spoons
We give our kids pudding cups or fruit cups in almost every one of their school lunches, and therefore are in need of spoons almost everyday. We have typically used plastic spoons, ya know, because they are easy! But both of my kids have proved to be responsible in bringing stuff home from school, i.e. jackets, tupperware, their heads, etc. So, I thought this would be a great opportunity to introduce spoons that could be reused easily. We already have a handful of toddler colorful spoons, and I recently saw packs of 2 in the Target $ section. So, on my last trip I grabbed 3 more packages and dedicated the 6 new spoons to lunches. If they make it home, great! If not, they were only 50 cents a piece.

We'll see how my kids do. If this plan fails, I can always reuse the throw away plastic spoons, although they seem more likely to be throw out by a 7 year old or a preschool teacher.
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Wanna take this simple swap challenge and be in the running for a cool giveaway? Head on over to Hyacynth's site and link up. And while you're there, check out the other Simple Swaps people made for more ideas you can implement in your home. Have fun!

the littlest ones are the biggest blessings

2011-09-26T19:45:00.000-07:00

Are you ever amazed that God put YOUR kids in your life?
Are you ever blown away that little beings rely on you? For guidance? For love? For support?
That He makes you melt when you hear your daughter say bee-nilla ice cream?

Or that He made you melt when your son picked out butterfly earrings?

What about when He makes them laugh with each other day after day,
and lets you witness the joy that fills the house?
That He created a soft spot in your heart for their special whimper or
their head tilt when they want something?
Are you ever amazed at the energy that fills the room when they come bounding in?

Are you ever grateful that you know unique things about your kids, like

~ your daughter puts her shoes on the wrong feet, even though she knows the right way, only because she wants to make you laugh ~ your son still asks to sleep in your bed every once in awhile, because he misses it ~ your son picks out the candy he knows his sister will like ~ your daughter makes drawings for her brother's room ~ your daughter will climb on anything like a monkey with no fear, but will cry louder than you've ever heard if she gets hurt ~ your son is happy to grow up to be a sensitive man, because he knows it's like his daddy. ~ your son loves Harry Potter movies but is afraid of James and the Giant Peach ~ your son sings Apple Bottom Jeans a LOT, and your daughter tries to, also.

Are you ever in awe that they display love without even trying?
Have you ever watched them play bubble gum bubble gum in a dish when nobody is looking?

Can you believe that their smiles light up the room and you get to see it every day?

Can you believe that they were put into your life to teach you something bigger?
That they teach you more than you teach them?

Because I am and I do.
Every single day.
Thank you, Lord. I am so grateful.

tugging at my heart

2011-09-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

Awhile back, I listened to a morning radio segment about a fundraiser to help awoman (Annabelle) and her little girl (Aiyana), who were both hit in acrosswalk by a hit and run driver and injured very badly.

I donated to the fundraiser, and left a message inthe paypal comment section explaining that I felt awful for the position shewas in, especially the part about not being able to take care of her daughter,because I have children and I cannot even imagine what she is going through.This was in May of 2010.

Last week I received a direct response emailfrom Annabelle, saying she was very touched by my message, and still neededhelp. Three years after the accident, her leg is still broken in severalplaces, and without having medical insurance because she isn't working becauseof the accident, well you can see how this is a vicious cycle. She askedif I could help provide anything from pain management tools, to ideas of whereshe could move to since she feared getting kicked out of her house soon, to anymoney I could spare, etc. My kids and I went to the grocery store and broughther groceries and money, but of course it just isn't enough.

Annabelle is close to my age, and Aiyana is 13years old in junior high school. They have a super close relationship witheach other, supporting each other through these tough times. Annabelle is avery giving, caring woman, who feels terrible asking for help but knows she hasno choice right now. Aiyana is quiet and so sweet, and has played so gentlywith my kids every time we have come over.

I have been praying with Annabelle and trying tosupport her in any way possible, for her story just tugs at my heart. She is inpain, she is having trouble supporting herself and her daughter, she justreceived eviction papers, and I cannot even imagine how she must feel throughall of this.

I tried to put together a contest/donation/giveawayon my blog on her behalf, but I could not get anything together without somehowgoing through a charitable organization, which of course she is not part of.So, I am posting this in case anyone feels the same tug at their heart, andwants to help her out.

Or go to paypal's main page, click on “Send money” and enter annabelleward@gmail.com in the “To” box .

You can confirm her name through the information that is on the radio station's link at the top, and if you want her phone number to speak to her first, you can email me directly and I can pass it along. I just want to get her story out there, so that we can pull together as a community to help her out.

I thank you for thinking of her and/or praying for her.

Proverbs 19:17

Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward them for what they have done.

Women of Faith

2011-09-16T14:03:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, I attended the Women of Faith Conference in Anaheim, CA. Almost 9 months ago I went online and bought 2 tickets and then asked my cousin if she wanted to go, all because of a post Angie Smith wrote about announcing she was speaking at several of the conferences. Angie wasn't scheduled to speak at the Anaheim show, but we were excited to go all the same.

All year we waited in anticipation, and the weekend finally arrived!

The conference was broken down into 3 segments...Friday day, Friday evening and Saturday day. While all three get-togethers were awesome, my favorite was definitely Saturday day, when the speakers really opened their hearts and let the audience into their lives and past experiences. Brenda Warner, wife of NFL player Kurt Warner, had a exceptional story of trials and leaning on God for support and mercy. Marilyn Meberg led an amazing session ending with a call to follow Christ and Mandisa and Sandi Patty both performed wonderful songs of worship that fired up the audience with energy and excitement.

worship session

My favorite performance had to be Amy Grant, who not only performed several famous songs and a few new songs, but also spoke in-between songs about her life and walk with Christ. Oh, so touching and inspiring. If allowed (and I am, 'cause it's my blog), I definitely had a second favorite...Patsy Clairmont, who spoke several times throughout the weekend. Patsy is witty, funny and endearing, and boy does she have some stories to tell. She definitely had me laughing the most.

patsy clairmont

Brit and I missed Lisa Welchel's performance, which we were really looking forward to but missed because we took Brit's kids out to breakfast before returning to the conference on Saturday morning, but we're hoping it might get posted on a website somehow for viewing. {hint hint}

I came out of the conference thinking about 3 three things. One, us women are so connected through our similarities and all that we do in life, we really need to call on each other in a more positive way, lifting each other up and supporting each other. Two, We are all broken beings who NEED Jesus in everything we do. Therefore, call on Him without hesitancy! And three, when calling on Jesus for mercy and grace and understanding, sometimes I need to just BE STILL, so I can really hear what He has for me. It's hard for us as women who hold so many roles and responsibilities to be still.

I also decided I want to bring my mom and Brit's mom next year, because I know how much fun Brit and I had, and I can only imagine how much fun the 4 of us could have...especially the sleepover at Brit's house!

it was so cold in there!

Have a wonderful weekend.

Celebrating 2 years, with gratitude

2011-09-12T13:28:00.000-07:00

I wish I knew at day one of sobriety the peace and support I would find at two years of sobriety, because it could have helped me so much more in the beginning. What started out as only enough bravery to tell my husband, and a heavy mask of fear as I entered my first AA meeting...has turned into more than enough confidence to tell all of my family and friends, internet strangers on my blog, and old high school friends on Facebook, because NOW I AM PROUD. Now I walk with my head high and am not afraid to say I am a recovering alcoholic.

I know there is no shame in being an alcoholic, but there is great achievement in living in sobriety.

I couldn't have done it without my Higher Power. He gave me the strength to get through this.

The cards, emails, voicemail and AA related trinkets I received on Thursday for my 2 year anniversary blew me away, and made me so grateful for my friends I have here on this earth, and the God I have up in Heaven.

I guess this would be a great time to pay it forward. If you are thinking you need to quit drinking, don't be afraid. Know you aren't alone. And know that one day this can be something you are proud to admit you overcame.

My life is so much better in sobriety.

Crazy Love

2011-09-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

I have so much in my head to get out on paper {aka posts}, from the birth of my nephew and the scare my sister caused us all with her postpartum emergencies, to our family vacation in Chicago and sobriety dates. But for now, I am remembering one simple moment that occurred on our plane ride home yesterday, that is filling my heart with joy.

Our airline aisle sat three people across, so I sat in the aisle seat, with Loudoun next to me and Avalon next to the window. Ya know, to trap ~~them~~ her in. Rick sat one row in front of us, enjoying quiet time. I'll redeem my free time coupon for that one soon. My kids were very well behaved, minus two 5 minute meltdowns from Avalon, which I consider extremely good considering she's 4 and the plane ride was 4 and a half hours. Family travel has finally become fun all around!

I was able to read quite a bit on the flight, while my kids played video games and watched downloaded movies. I read the book Crazy Love (by Francis Chan) for the second time, which is already covered in notes and highlights from the first time. Loudoun was extremely interested in my book, and kept pausing his game and looking over to get glimpses of the page I was on. At one point he looked over to read 2 lines I had previously highlighted (page 51).

...nothing matters except our King and God...

...He is everything.

Loudoun stopped and pondered it for quite some time, and shared that it was really a neat thing to read about our God. Not only did he stop his video game. Not only did he show interest in what I was reading and actually read some of it himself, but he also took it in...the words and their meaning...in his heart.

It was the perfect way to end our vacation. God moving in his heart.

Visit Bigger Picture Moments over at Lenae's site today.

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

2011-09-04T17:57:00.000-07:00

I am currently on vacation and took hundreds of photos yesterday while we were in downtown Chicago. I decided to use photos from our trip for today's Scavenger Hunt.

1. Stairs

2. Macro

the battery on my Nikon DSLR died part way through our day trip,
so I had to switch over to my iPhone. Not quite macro, but close enough.

3. Clouds

outside my sister's hospital room in Michigan, through a window.

4. Abstract

5. Smile

Simple Swap: A Creative Oasis

2011-09-03T04:00:00.000-07:00

My friend Hy has come up with an awesome project called Simple Swaps, as a way to encourage her friends to live healthier, inspired, intentional lifestyles. On the first Saturday of the month, starting today!!!, she will post a project which should only take 15 minutes, be free (or create long term savings) and make a positive impact on your lifestyle immediately. When she told me about it, I was excited! I love her ideas and heart. And I can't wait to see what projects she comes up with, month after month. This first month is Creative Oasis. I had fun with this one, following her instructions and creating a new space.
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I need a new space for me to unleash my creativity, other than the corner of the couch which is situated amongst the crazy, unruly kids (and husband). I sit there for all of my photo editing and blog post writing, and most of the time cannot concentrate. Welcome to life with 2 youngsters, right?

So, this Simple Swap project seemed like the perfect way to create a creative space. I already LOVE my bedroom. When we moved into this house, our first house, we splurged on a bedroom set and kept the decor and linens simple. So, immediately I thought to move my creative oasis into there.

Here's how it looked before:

Sights
First on my agenda was to make the bed, fluff up the pillows and straighten out the pictures above the headboard. Next on my list was to clear out the kids' toys off my nightstand, and dust it. Seriously, I probably haven't dusted in 6 months. Getting it clean already made it feel more inviting. I had about 15 books piled high, which took up space and weren't easy to access anyway. Once it was clear, I brought in a cup coaster (AKA a caffeine holder) and my Bible for easy access. I brought in my laptop and laptop power cord, so I don't have to worry about running out of juice part way through creativity.

Sounds
One of my favorite sounds is the hum of a ceiling fan, so I was already in luck there. I brought in my headphones and iPod, which is filled with my favorite new worship songs.

Smells
I have two new favorite candles, which have up until this point been in 2 random places around the house. I figured why waste the beautiful scent of raspberry/lime and vanilla cupcake on my family (who don't pay attention to them anyway), when I could enjoy them in my creative space, so I placed them on the nightstand.

I was a little nervous to take on this challenge, but once I looked at the space and started seeing the vision, it literally only took me 12 minutes, plus a couple minutes to take before and after pictures, and I am the proud new owner of a creative oasis.

Now, how do I keep the kids out?
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Thank you Hyacynth, for such a much-appreciated idea!

OK! It's your turn to Simple Swap and create a Creative Oasis. If you take the swap opportunity, link up a post of your before and after picture over at Hy's site. The Creativity Oasis link will be open through next Saturday, September 10.

Edit Me weekly challenge: Week 15

2011-08-24T12:03:00.000-07:00

Original photo:

Edited photo:

I'm a sucker for little girl flats and striped socks, so I wanted to focus my edit on just those 2 things. For the edit, I used Lightroom to do the following:

Cropped, obviously

used brilliant blue skies preset (for added color punch in the purple and pinks)

used wow glow 6 preset (for the glow effect on the skin and rocks)

used edge effects rounded corners

This was my first time entering this contest, and it was super fun! Enjoy other entries or submit your own over at Branson's site. Thank you, Jamie for guest judging this week and submitting an adorable photo for us to work with. :-)

FROYO

2011-08-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

{summer}Time is running out, which means I have to pack in as many late night, past bedtime, frozen yogurt trips with the family as possible. MUST.HAVE.FROYO.

Avalon's choice is wild and crazy, just like her:

fruit punch yogurt, capn' crunch cereal and butterfly gummy bears.

Loudoun wants you to think his froyo choice is normal, but just like his sister's - it isn't,

because he is a 7 year old boy and he likes to experiment:

fruit punch yogurt, reece's pieces and marshmallow sauce.

Daddy's WAS normal, because you know, us adults have good taste.

But he wants you to think he's crazy like the kids:

Oreo cookie yogurt, caramel sauce and heath bar topping.

And I made mine the largest because duh,

it was my dinner replacement, and I splurged:

red velvet cake yogurt, hot fudge sauce and chocolate sprinkles.

AND, I really pushed the envelope and did NOT work out tonight.

Ahhhh....last days of summer.

Oh, and the best part? I got my froyo card punched 8 times and earned a free one next time.

Looks like we will make it out at least 1 more time before September 6th.

TIRED

2011-08-23T18:51:00.000-07:00

This is what 4 young kids over a weekend do to a normally excited puppy.

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

2011-08-21T22:10:00.000-07:00

This is my first attempt at Scavenger Hunt Sunday, and I have to say, I had a blast! I reminded myself when I walked out the door not to try and plan what I was going to shoot for each scavenger item, and rather keep my eyes open for inspiration. Here's what I came up with (with the extra help of my husband...he had fun looking, too).

1. Geometry

2. Brushstrokes

3. Hanging by a thread

4. Collage

5. On the dotted line

1.8

2011-08-18T22:51:00.000-07:00

new camera lens.
same precious subjects.
upcoming weekend to practice, with lots of house guests.

it's summer, and we're playing...

2011-08-15T21:07:00.000-07:00

...'round the clock.

We swim, we have playdates, we ride our bikes and walk the dog. we draw on the sidewalk and bbq out back and squirt each other with water guns. But we also have the "play" mentality indoors, later at night, pushing bedtimes back by {at least} an extra hour. Indulging in root beer floats, 4 nights in a row.

We've convinced Avalon to eat more, by telling her the sooner she gains at least

15 pounds she can move up to a booster seat in the car.

So now, every time she eats a bite, she comes over and says,

Do you want to feel my muscles? I'm getting biiiiiiiiger.

And this face comes along with it. It takes everything in our power not to giggle.

play time...Rick and Loudoun on the 1s and 2s, Avalon rockin' it out.

Why yes, that is my float in the back on the left. I made 'em, mom's choice.

Mmmmm, more calories. Booster, here I come!

Can't.Put.The.Mic.Down

Looks like Barkley likes the fort Avalon made for him. He has chilled out sooo much, we now let him loose in the house with us. He's turning into quite the family dog.

He's got talent, yo.

And if you're wondering how I could start this post with 'round the clock, Grandma watched the kiddos on Saturday night while Rick and I went to Hollywood Bowl, and not only did she let them have FOUR root beer floats for dessert {each!}, she also let them stay up until midnight when we got home. Grandmas are the coolest.

Bigger Picture Moment: butterfly earrings

2011-08-11T05:43:00.000-07:00

Loudoun walked into the room and asked if I could login to his online chore chart, as an administrator. There really isn't any advantage to being an administrator besides assigning new chores (YAY!) and adding new wishlist items for your parents to buy from Amazon once you have earned enough points from doing said chores, day after day, week after week.

So, I logged in for him and he took my laptop into the other room. Ten minutes later he returned and handed me the computer, like nothing had happened. It was my birthday, so I didn't want to pry too much, and ruin anything he might be doing. Seven year olds need their privacy.

Two minutes later my phone alerted me that I had a new email, which was from Amazon....stating Loudoun wanted to redeem one of his wishlist items. When I opened the email, I saw the most gorgeous pair of purple, butterfly amethyst earrings. He had added them all on his own, no help from Daddy, and spent some of his hard earned chore points to get them for my birthday.

You see, he has been saving up his points for months now, his points goal 5,000 points, for a Nintendo 3DS. He's more than 1/2 way there, and he is so dedicated to wait it out and work for it.

For him to spend some of his points on his mama's birthday present, without even a second thought, just melts my heart.

Talk about a bigger picture moment I want to remember forever.

Check out the other bigger picture moments today

over at Alita Jewel's space. Happy Thursday!

Kreative Keep-out Kontraptions

2011-08-10T05:46:00.000-07:00

Loudoun's attempt to KEEP everyone out.

And Avalon's Kontribution.

KREATIVE.

the day I ate banana cream pie

2011-08-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

My birthday started out (EARLY in the morning!) with a planned trip to the lake with friends, but after arriving minutes behind the last accepted jetski on an "at capacity" lake, we turned around (I'm sensing a pattern from last weekend) and came home. But it's summer, and it was my birthday! So we made do with the backyard pool and BBQ...it was rough, let me tell ya. I don't know how we survived. ;-)

After I had about as much sun as I could take without falling asleep, Rick let me sneak away and almost pass out in a pedicure spa chair and then in a shampoo chair and haircut chair at a different salon. Summer goal accomplished...hair, chopped.

I came home right before dinnertime to a fellow August 6th birthday visitor (and his adorable kiddo), so we made a take-out dinner out of it.

Feeling groovy and giggly.

Of course our visitor was my favorite guest of all time, because he brought a FourN20 Bakery Banana Cream Pie. Yummmmm.

"Happy birthday to US, happy birthday to US,

happy birthday to Mom and Big Dawg*, happy birthday to US."

*None of us know Big Dawg's real name. Seriously, when someone says his real name, we all look around and say, "who is that?" Everyone loves the Big Dawg.

one year older

2011-08-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

"Mama, how old are you going to be on your birthday?"
36.

"When you're 36, will you still lay in bed with me at bedtime?"

Oh, how I wish I could do it forever, baby girl.

-----------------------------------------------

Isaiah 46:4  Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

-----------------------------------------------

Bible verses about birth are wonderful, but something about turning 36 doesn't scream out new life quite so much. I have to say old age and gray hairs is more appropriate. :-) I don't feel old. I feel wise...er, but the grays hairs still seem to be popping up. Kids, house, career, etc. all seem to keep life moving at a fast pace.

But that seems to matter less and less to me these days, for I feel Him carrying me.

Lately I've been pondering that before time even began, I was meant to be. 36 years ago on this day, He said it's time for her to join this world. He knew I was coming. He knew what I would do with all of my days. He knew what gifts I would bring, what weaknesses I would face and how I would try and spread His joy. How amazing is that? I wasn't just a creation between two loving people sharing their excitement to start a family, I was His creation. We all are.

I feel Him lifting me up when I need Him. He puts the beauty of life in front of me to witness all through my days. The sparkle in my kids' eyes, the vivid colors in the flowers, the smile of my husband, the note from a friend, giggles, new life, warm sunshine, motherhood, vast oceans, it's all so amazing to witness.

I can't wait to see what He teaches me in the year to come.

Father, thank you for speaking me into motion. Thank you for making me part of Your creation, and thank you for saving me. You have wrapped your arms around me, protected me and loved me perfectly, and I will do my best to glorify you all of my days. In this great, big created world I might be small and insignificant, but you make me feel special in Your eyes. Oh, how that touches my heart and makes me want to do everything for You.

Crazy rain

2011-07-31T14:42:00.000-07:00

What started out an early morning heading to the lake to take the jetski out, quickly turned us around and brought us back home to experience end of July, summer thunderstorms. I wanted to crawl back into bed since it was still only 8:15, but my kids had other ideas. Rick and Loudoun headed straight for the xbox in the living room for double experience points in Call of Duty. Yes, Rick is one of the kids.

Avalon, however, not into video games and definitely not old enough for Call of Duty, wanted to put all of her rain gear on to stand out in the middle of the pouring rain.

And now the sun is out, the clouds have cleared and it is extremely humid, so we're on our way out to jump in the pool, before the weekend is over.

2011-07-29T05:06:00.000-07:00

five

He surprised me with me with his out-of-the-blue apology this week.

He reminded me of his ability to soothe the broken-heart of a child.

His gentle actions reaffirm that while we are not perfect and marriage is hard work,

he is perfect for me and we were put together for a purpose.

To love each other when times are joyful, and most importantly when they are not.

To listen to each other when the pain is calling out.

To support each other when we question.

To delight in the successes of life and celebrate with passion.

To see the beauty in the small occurrences and make them big events.

To lift each other up. To lift our family up.

His ability to relate and comfort is nothing short of amazing. The trust I find in our

hearts grounds me, having established our foundation from day one. And five

years later, that trust is my rock.

Happy anniversary, baby.

BFF's

2011-07-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

Playdates have become fun. They are no longer work to get everyone to get along and play nicely. They are about best friends and quality time together and enjoying each other's company.

And getting to witness their interactions and share their special time together,

well,

that's a treasure for me, too.

These photos are from a playdate last week, but tonight the other mom will get to enjoy Avalon's company, and Loudoun has Vacation Bible Study all nights this week. So, for the first time, Rick and I have free time for a date...without asking for a babysitter.

We have entered a new era.

What could make a weekend even better?

2011-07-24T21:08:00.000-07:00

Starting it the minute I leave work on Friday, that's what.

Soaking up the last rays of the evening.

hanging out with the family I adore and love.

Eating take-out dinner

and enjoying nature,

until the sun goes down.

The breeze was cool

and the sun was warm.

And my kids were goofy.

And Saturday and Sunday got even better.

Bigger Picture Moment: Seeking Wisdom

2011-07-21T13:43:00.000-07:00

My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,  turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding—  indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,  and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,  then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. ~ Proverbs 2: 1-5

I'm pretty sure that for the rest of my life, I will be amazed when I ask for wisdom from God and receive it and see it manifest in my life. It never gets old to witness that supernatural act that takes place, for it proves that He is listening, He loves, and prayer works.

Ever since Sunday's service, I have been praying for wisdom hard (we are studying Proverbs). Praying mostly in a general sense, to let God know I was serious about gaining His wisdom in my life. For I learned that we all can ask for more wisdom, and it is not like DNA or genetics where you're as athletic or gifted as you are going to be...wisdom can be increased throughout all of your life, just by seeking.

Shortly after beginning my prayers for wisdom, I read my weekly reading assignment for my Bible study (Learning to love people like Jesus loves). But something about this reading topic just really sunk in mores than other weeks, and I had about 4 huge defining moments that just left me shocked. The topic was empathetic listening (first seeking to understand, then to be understood), and how to listen better so that the person you are speaking with feels more loved and willing to open up and trust you.

Like a naive little child, I wondered if this could possibly the wisdom I had been seeking already! I mean, 4 A-HA moments…could it be from God?

The next morning, a friend forwarded me this daily devotional he received, out of the blue:

He that getteth wisdom loveth his own soul: he that keepeth understanding shall find good. ~ Proverbs 19.8.

It was like God was waving His hands in front of me saying, "Hello? Do you hear me?"

So, I accepted this information as Wisdom, and was so excited to put it to good use immediately. I mean, we can all be better listeners, right? We can all show others we love them by paying attention when they talk, right? Little did I know this wisdom would be needed for a very specific use…immediately.

Loudoun has been having a hard time at summer camp. There aren’t many details to share (and if there were, I still wouldn’t to protect his privacy) other than he is shy and finds it tough to walk up to a group of kids at camp and start mingling. So much so, that sitting by himself seems easier than approaching kids some days (talk about breaking a mama’s heart, to know your kid sat by himself all day…I get teary-eyed just thinking about it).

I soooo get this. Shoot, I’m still like this as an adult.

He came home in tears on Tuesday, but wasn't ready to say much or open up. Rick and I put our new wisdom into motion. And sure enough, slowly but surely, the suggested skills and tactics we were using helped Loudoun understand we wanted to help, nothing he could say would be embarrassing, and he was free to trust us with all of his feelings.

We have a good relationship with our kids, sure. But I think this week's wisdom really helped with specifics when it came to reading his body language, sensing his fear, and helping him open up in a loving environment. We spent all night talking about how we as individuals deal with interaction and socialization, what could make it easier for him, what some of the kids' interests are, and how about scheduling a pool party to invite them all over to get to know them better?

And the next day was so much better for him!

It is so hard to see your kids hurt, and emotional hurt is by far the hardest. Before I know it, both of my kids will be in the childhood years...a time of self-awareness, recognition and critical development, and I am so grateful God has provided some more tools for me to get through these years, supporting my kids to the best of my ability. I look forward to many more tools to come, as I seek wisdom continuously in my life.

With all my efforts but really the sustaining power of the Holy Spirit, I will forever do my best to make my kids feel the love in my heart, striving every day to love more like Jesus loves.

(going out for frozen yogurt always fixes a bad day)

This was my Bigger Picture Moment for the week. It actually spread out over 3 days, thus making it even even bigger moment! Head over to Hyacynth's site today to see all of the BPMs, or to add your own.

a-HA!

2011-07-21T11:38:00.000-07:00

I found a flower on my hibiscus bush!

Oh, wait...nevermind.

45 seconds, I kid you not.

Bigger Picture Moment: red hibiscus blooms...to be or not to be?

2011-07-14T10:14:00.000-07:00

We took out the Bougainvillea plant in our backyard. It was a tough job, but we were so proud when we replaced the overgrown death bush with beautiful, tropical plants by our pool. With a bench. And a fountain.

We planted typical palm trees, birds of paradise and tropicana canna, but I think my favorite is the hibiscus plant that produces beautiful, sweet red flowers.

photo courtesy of en.wikipedia.org

Flowers that my dog, Barkley LOVES.

The plant would have about 50 blooms on it right now - I can see where the flowers should be. Except Barkley has eaten every.single.one of the flowers.

A few mornings ago, as I stood in my bathroom straightening my hair with both kids and my husband sleeping in our bed a mere 2 feet away outside the bathroom door, I spotted Barkley in the garden amongst the tropical plants. As he bit off the one hibiscus bloom that seemed to have appeared overnight, he meandered across the backyard ever so slowly, right by the bathroom window, smirking at me as he passed by. Oh how I wanted to scold him and yank the flower from his mouth! But to wake my babies up at 6:15am would not be worth it.

Not like scolding him over that one flower would ever change his future flower stealing behavior.

He loves them. He's an evil thief. And I have learned to love the plant with only its green leaves. I dream about the red sweet blooms it is capable of having. And I laugh at the dog we have named Barkley.

Every Thursday we come together to share the harvest of intentional living by capturing a glimpse of the bigger picture through a simple moment.

quality mama time

2011-07-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

This week Loudoun is going to science camp everyday. Making Robots!!! The camp is close to Rick's work, so he is in charge of picking him up every afternoon. While it makes me sad to miss picking him up, hearing about his day and spending the afternoon with him, it does create a handful of afternoons to have alone "girl time" with Avalon. As the second born child, I feel she deserves some quality mama time.

Normally, I'm not the hugest "park" fan, what with the stress of leaving when it's over and done with. If you've spent any time reading my blog, you will know that Avalon doesn't have the best track record with leaving the park.

But Avalon brought me 2 roses from our garden when we got home today and asked if we could take them on a picnic, so I had a change of heart about the park and we set off to have a girls' evening together.

My only mission was to push her on the swing, over and over, tickle her as she came down the slide, and carry her across the monkey bars.

Except when we stopped to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

I told her to wait and sit on the step while I took a picture,

but before I knew it she was already up on the top!

Here's to 4 more girls' days this week with my petunia.

family update

2011-07-10T21:58:00.000-07:00

Avalon has gone into her own bed every night on her own, without drama, since her birthday party on July 1st. Rick and I have been so relieved.
----------
Loudoun has decided all of a sudden if there are leaves in the pool, he doesn't want to swim.
----------
Luckily, we don't mind skimming the pool for him, because in the last week alone, he has learned to do front and back flips under water, grab items from the deepest part of the pool and dive from the side of the pool and off daddy's shoulders. Now that's progress!
----------
Barkley hates the water, but that doesn't stop Loudoun from trying to coax him in the pool.

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We have gone out every night in the past week as a family on evening walks....Rick and I walk the dog, and Loudoun and Avalon take turns driving her new car. It's so nice to get out together.

----------
I made cake balls this weekend (minus the chocolate covering, they are already sweet enough), and they were a huge hit with everyone in our family. Especially me.

----------

Because of the cake balls, and a new friend I met on the internet, I am back to working out to Jillian Michaels again. It feels good, even though I cannot move and have needed advil the past 2 days straight.

----------
The kids sleep in the playroom for "movie night" every weekend. And sometimes, they fall asleep in funny positions.

----------
Rick and I are both counting every single dollar between now and payday, so we got really creative with all of our meals this weekend, and they ended up better than normal!
----------
Avalon had her 4 year check up on Thursday. She weighed in at a whopping 28.25 pounds and 38 inches. Maybe one of these days she'll be able to switch to a booster seat in the car....maybe before she turns 16.

----------
I bought this print from another blogger's website, and Rick and I just love it on our mantle.

----------
Loudoun starts robot camp tomorrow for a week, and he couldn't be more excited. Yay!
----------
Maybe it's all the sun this weekend, but I am exhausted and can't seem to stay awake...so I'm off to bed!

Have a great week!

ripped open and raw

2011-07-06T15:12:00.000-07:00

I pulled into the parking garage ready to donate and wishing I had some extra time to pass out stickers to the sick children...anything to brighten their day.

But the second I walked into the lobby, I was struck in the gut with intense pain, fear and anxiety. The sirens outside, the wheelchairs, the oxygen tubes, the parents tending to their sick little ones, Children's Hospital was more than I could handle.

But I was there on a mission...to donate blood for a friend whose daughter is having heart surgery on the 13th, and I was determined to push forward.

Sitting in the waiting room, reading my study material for my church's life group (learning how to tear down all of my walls, be radically honest with myself and tear open my heart for God to look at and work on), it was there that the tears started to pool up. Several donors around me answered questions of why they were there to other inquisitive donors...

my best friend's niece has brain tumors, and she isn't doing great.
My sister's kid is having issues. I'll do anything I can to help.

And I think, I am so lucky. My kids are so healthy. I get so impatient sometimes but they are perfect. I do my best never to take them for granted, but when this despair is around you, it's impossible not to bow down to God in humility and gratitude.

It's my turn to go in and I know I have the same blood type, but only wonder if I have the right matching antibodies. Little do I know going in that my iron count has to be 12, and it falls short with an 11. She thanks me for coming all this way, but it wasn't meant to be.

I hold all of the emotion in until I get to my car, where the tears come rushing down. It's there in the hospital parking lot that I feel free to cry, face buried in my hands, knowing there have been many others who broke down in that very space. I wish I could help. I wish I could do more. If not for my friend's daughter, then for any kid in that hospital.

I pulled myself together so that the tears didn't blur my vision while driving, and as I left the parking lot, a medical transport helicopter was landing on the hospital roof. I wondered about the parent who is facing the heartbreak of their lifetime right now, and I felt such agony for that stranger. I cried all the way back to work.

I feel ripped open and raw. It hurts.

fairies stopped by our house on Saturday

2011-07-04T17:35:00.000-07:00

And now my baby is all grown up.

2 year anniversary

2011-07-03T08:58:00.000-07:00

It may seem strange to count living in a house a certain amount of time an anniversary, but we appreciate this place so much that 2 years later, we still count our blessings on a daily basis. Plus, July 2, 2009 was such a stressful day, running around to the county clerk office ourselves to close the deal, before the holiday weekend, otherwise our loan WOULD EXPIRE that day, well, we will never forget.

Loudoun was 5 and Avalon had just turned 2 when we arrived here, and boy have we grown into this house. We went from not being able to let them wander out in the front yard to now they cruise bikes up and down our street. We went from neither kid able to swim, to now 1 kid a complete fish and the other pretty darn close. We knew no one when we got here, and now we have built friendships. Toddler beds to big beds, ugly bushes to beautiful flowers. We feel safe, secure, comfortable, free to express our creativity and be as LOUD as we want! We have soothed boo-boos, cuddled sick kids, completed homework projects, cried together, giggled crazily...created family memories. We did all of that in the apartment too, but coming into a house later in life, well, we really appreciate everything that comes with owning a home.

We held Avalon's party at our house yesterday, and presents involved tons of glitter (fairy dust) and play-doh (gifts from friends). 2 years ago, I would have freaked at either item in our apartment, what with all the carpet and tight corridors and security deposits. This morning there is still glitter on my floors and play-doh on my patio and I'm not the least bit bothered.

It's the important things, right? Being able to tolerate play-doh.

I just realized that today is NOT July 2nd! I went all day yesterday thinking it was the 1st of July, because June only has 30 days in it and watches have 31 days for every month so it was a day behind. So, I guess yesterday we weren't only celebrating Avalon's fourth birthday, we were celebrating our 1964 abode.

ahhhhhhhhh

2011-07-02T21:50:00.000-07:00

Exhausted and finally sitting on the couch, it has been the most fantastic day.

I can't wait to post all about it,

once I've taken it all in (and edited all of the photos).

Happy fourth of July weekend to everyone.

Oh, my little peanut

2011-06-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

Today you are 4.

Of course, when I said happy birthday to you this morning, you said, it's not my birthday yet! because you equate birthdays with cupcakes, and those won't happen until after lunch at your summer camp.

Your daddy and I are so relieved that 4 has finally arrived. 3 was a little rough towards the end (even though the terrible two's were a breeze with you), oh with the testing of wills and the independence struggles. But it was the same way with your brother, and that gave us some relief on the harder days.

Despite the drama that came with some of your days, like refusing to wear anything but a dress (when there weren't any clean) or getting upset because the right sippy cup wasn't served to you with dinner, your dad and I have just been in awe of you this past year. You had so many growth spurts of maturity, that every time we turned around it seemed you were passing a new milestone...piecing sentences together, getting into your carseat and buckling the belt by yourself, tenderly caring for a friend or going to bed with ease, in your own bed (don't be fooled, this is still one to work on).

You have such a sweet nature that my favorite times of the day are falling asleep with you at night and waking up with you in the morning, with you right next to my side. While you are getting better at falling asleep in your own bed, you always crawl into ours around midnight. And honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. You have always been a good snuggler, never taking up much room in our bed but still sticking close to my side so I can kiss your forehead at any time.

My second favorite times with you would have to be our shopping trips. And this surprises me because one would normally think taking a 3 year old, independent child into a grocery store or department store would be brutal torture. But it's quite the opposite with you. When it's you and me together, we hold hands or I carry you on my hip (all 27 pounds of you), and you help me with all of the tasks that accompany shopping. Putting items in the cart, stirring my coffee at 7-11, picking out the best fruit and trying on clothes. It is our special time together, we talk and giggle and steal kisses from each other, and it has brought me so much joy.

Your outgoing sense of style brings a smile to my face and joy to my afternoon when I get to pick you up from preschool and see what outfit you and Daddy picked out that morning. The color combination and pattern matching never disappoints and I think it speaks volumes on how much creativity and vibrancy you will have in your years to come.

I love how you give me dandelions but tell me not to blow them away.
I love how you ask for a hug and a kiss every morning when I leave.
I love how you come running when I pick you up.
I love how you think your brother is the greatest kid in the world.
I love how you have not 1, but 3 best friends.
I love how you dance anytime you hear a song.
I love how you blow bubbles out your car window.
I love how you crave independence but still need your mama.

I love your big heart.

Baby girl, you added so much to our family when you joined us 4 years ago, and made us a COMPLETE unit of love. No matter what you go through in life, you will always be accepted in our family as our little Avalon.

I love you, my sweet petunia.

Love,
Mama

it just kept getting better

2011-06-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

This weekend consisted of 98% pool time, 2% of other fun family activities and 100% love. BBQ'ed dinners, baking cookies, volleyball in the front yard, watering plants, movie nights at bedtime, cuddles on the couch, laughter.

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Once our part of town gets warm, which is about a month later than the rest of the country, we spend as much time out in our backyard as we can. And thanks to a Christmas bonus, this summer have have a new dining table and lounge chairs, which make the outdoor experience even more enjoyable. Rick also went and bought swim floaties and tubes a-go-go on Saturday morning, because our silly dog tends to sneak them away when the kids take them off and puncture holes in them.

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Saturday afternoon, while Avalon passed out on the couch tired from pool and sunshine and Loudoun relaxed playing video games, I snuck out to take Barkley on a walk around the neighborhood. Normally our super hyper non-Labrador dog is pushing to go faster, faster, faster.

But I guess due to the heat, Barkley was willing to stroll, and it was so nice to take in the warmth on my shoulders, the beautiful blooms from yard to yard, all while listening to a podcast sermon suggested by a friend studying the book of Galatians.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

~Galatians 5:22-25

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We follow a pretty strict bedtime in this household, not because we're sticklers for a certain time on the clock but we know very well that a certain 3 year old does not do well more than about 5 minutes after that set bedtime. But, as she is approaching her fourth birthday this week, and we have seen many positive changes in her maturity as of the last couple of weeks, I figured it was ok to try taking her out past her bedtime for frozen yogurt. I mean, it is summer and all.

She has even matured to the level of switching

the store sign...when they weren't even closed yet!

Trickster.

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I thought since we were doing so well all weekend, I would attempt to take both kids to church with me this morning. Loudoun is always easy, as he likes to stay with me in the grown up sermon, but she typically doesn't like the whole drop off process, making it really hard for Loudoun and I to leave for our service. But we hyped up the new class she would get to try out today...the 4 year olds! And that seemed to do the trick. Reward for ease of drop off has always been play structure time after service, and today we stayed out there extra long.

Loudoun told me yesterday that he is really nervous about starting a new summer camp this week. We had a nice chat about praying to God about his fears, something that is still new to his mind and heart. Today's sermon was the last in a series our church has covered on the book of James, and today was spent talking all about prayer. Prayer in time of need, prayer when you are sick, prayer when you have sinned and prayer to give praise to the Lord. It couldn't have been better timing for Loudoun.

When we got home I told him we could pray about it together at bedtime, and he said Sure, but I also already did it during the service. With Daddy dropping him off at camp in the morning and staying with him until he's ok, and his Father sticking by his side all of his days, well, I think Loudoun has got some great support.

Come near to God and he will come near to you. ~James 4:8

It's Amazing

2011-06-25T10:19:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how...

...jumping back into the Bible can rekindle a passion for Christ in your heart.
...encouraging words from friends can inspire the desire to dive back into the Word to reach for the relationship you know can be there.
...repeating the word "sacrifice" when your child is being demanding can change your outlook on being a supportive mom instead of a selfish one.
...a good night's sleep and lots of prayer while drifting off to dreamland can make the next morning a wonderful, brand new day.
...sunshine can brighten your day and your outlook.

..a good cup of coffee makes all the difference.

...all is grace because of Christ alone.

Here's to a wonderful weekend for everyone. Cheers.

I love birthdays!

2011-06-23T11:13:00.000-07:00

Today, Bigger Picture Blogs is celebrating their one year birthday.

Go over to Hyacynth's to see what all the commotion is about.

You won't be sorry. Talk about love and joy overflowing!